Ryan Alexander-Tanner

As puny human know, Hulk VERY busy with VERY famous and popular movie star career! (Avengers: Infinity War—MAYBE YOU HEAR OF IT?) But even though Hulk very famous and popular, Hulk not forget puny Portlanders and their stupid little cow-town election no one care about! So Hulk here with Hulk 2018 Election Endorsements! Yes, Hulk know puny Mercury news team have endorsements on page 7. IGNORE THEM! Mercury news team dumb and smoke drugs!


Portland City Council, Position 3:

Hulk never heard of any of these people! So Hulk suggest write-in vote for Emma Stone! Emma Stone super cute. Puny human see Emma Stone in La La Land? Hulk LOVE La La Land! Hulk not mean to name drop, but Hulk see Emma Stone at Beverly Hills’ Spago on Tuesday. Hulk think to Hulkself, “Hulk wonder if Emma Stone date Hulk? Maybe Emma Stone date Hulk if Hulk get Emma Stone elected to Portland City Council!” Vote Emma Stone!


Portland City Council, Position 2:

Vote Emma Stone!


Multnomah County Commissioner, District 2: Hulk don’t understand why puny human even need this election. Just post ad on Craigslist! Ooh, that give Hulk idea! Vote Daniel Craig! Everyone love Daniel Craig and everyone love Daniel Craig list, Craigslist! Hulk not mean to name drop, but Hulk meet Daniel Craig on red carpet for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (hated it), and Daniel Craig promise him and Hulk “do lunch.” So here is Craigslist ad: “Wanted: Daniel Craig to be Multnomah County Commissioner! Must be James Bond and do lunch with Hulk!” Vote Daniel Craig!


Oregon State Governor:

Hulk never heard of any of these people! But know who Hulk HAS heard of? Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsay! Hulk not mean to name drop, but Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsay send Hulk free dessert when Hulk eat at Boxwood Café in West Hollywood! You want governor who send free dessert, or you want idiot who send no free dessert? Vote Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsay! Vote free dessert!

Oh, and while puny human may be tempted, don’t vote Hulk for anything! Hulk very busy with famous and profitable film career, and trying to get date with super cute Emma Stone. Maybe Hulk will ask Emma Stone out... on Daniel Craigslist!