FAILING NEW COLUMN!
SOUND OFF,
AMERICAN!
SOUND OFF, AMERICAN! is the new column that gives you, Joe or Jane American,
the opportunity to “sound off” about the weighty issues of our times. Unfortunately,
as it turns out, this column is not as popular as we had hoped. Because so few
of you have been actively participating in these illuminating polls, our editor
is considering dropping this very important column. If you are truly interested
in vox populi (“the voice of the people”) and sincerely believe in the
sanctity of the democratic process, you will vote to keep SOUND OFF, AMERICAN!
alive and well in these pages. Please, for once in your life, do the right
thing.
Last Week’s Question:
Which would you rather do: Watch a two-hour narrated slide show of your grandparents
making love, OR have a microchip implanted in your ear for two days which constantly
plays ‘N Sync’s version of “O Holy Night”?
The Results:
Grandparents’ sexy slide show? 52% ‘N Sync microchip ‘N your ear? 48%
THIS WEEK’S QUESTION
Do you think Sound Off, American! is a national treasure that should
be preserved forever in the pages of the Portland Mercury, OR
is Sound Off, American! a stupid and useless column that should be immediately
axed and replaced with pictures of naked people?
Save Sound Off, American? Email us at: savesoundoff@portlandmercury.com
Sack Sound Off, American? Email us at: nakedpictures@portlandmercury.com