PROTECTING BARACK’S BRAND!!! “Our lawyers are working on developing a policy that will protect the presidential image while being careful not to squelch the overwhelming enthusiasm that the public has for the President,” says White House spokesman Jen Psaki. So: No more “Yes, Pecan” ice cream? Noooooo!!!
SHOE DODGER!!! Chinese Prime Minister Wen Jiabao has a shoe thrown at him by a Cambridge University student on his visit to Britain.
CHRISTIAN BALE LOSES HIS FUCKING MIND!!! He acts like a real prick on the set of the new Terminator movie, and the audio, somehow, leaks out…”I’m trying to do a fucking scene here.” Ha ha ha! What goes around comes around, prick-face!!! Fortunately, somebody has already set the outburst to a club beat. Incidentally, this is what the inside of my head sounds like, most days. Kidding.
BALE: WHAT DON’T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!?
POLANSKI CLAIMS ALL L.A JUDGES ARE BIASED!!! Because they want to lock him up for sleeping with children.
JOHANSSON GOES BRUNETTE!!! Yeah I know. THIS is NEWS, right?
LILY ALLEN STILL AMAZING!!! I think that Christian Bale thing might have screwed my news judgment for the day. But whatever. “You and me, man, we’re fucking done, professionally.” Ha ha ha ha ha!
JUDD GREGG FOR COMMERCE SECRETARY!!! Zzzzzzzz.
CITIGROUP PULLS OUT OF METS SPONSORSHIP!!! Because $400m a year is a lot of money when you don’t got none.
Good day.

Man, that tune is catchy! I just wish he’d done the whole rant in that gravely Batman voice. I think he might be just a tad stressed out because a dead man got the Oscar nod instead of him.
Here’s the Mae Shi’s song about his freakout, titled “R U Professional (4 Xtian)”, which is even better!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFjz6JfACk
No One, I was totally going to send you that link (which I posted over on End Hits) because I knew you would love it.
Too bad you beat me to it.
Gawker on the scandal that dare not speak its name:
http://gawker.com/5145644/sorry-gay-mayor-…
Regarding Christian Bale: meth or coke? What’s your best guess? Or…perhaps some sort of mental illness. Or maybe the dude is just a major asshole with an ego the size of Canada.