Obama grudgingly accepts $410 billion spending bill—even though it contains nearly 8000 “pet projects.” Does this include one of those carpeted climbing towers for my kitty, Mr. Lumpkins?
Financial swindler Bernie Madoff is expected to plead guilty tomorrow, and may face life in prison, where I’m sure he’ll be swindling cigarettes from the other prisoners.
Ten people are killed after a shooting rampage in Alabama. The suicidal gunman also killed a deputy’s wife and toddler. And that is the most depressing news you will hear all day. (I hope.)
Wrong. Teen gunman kills 16 in Germany.
Apple introduces their new teeny-tiny iPod shuffle, claiming it’s much more powerful. Their wives get a kick out of that.
Star magazine reports that Bristol Palin and her fiance Levi are officially SPLITSVILLE. Who else is shocked that it took this long?
And finally, you know who needs a bailout? LEX LUTHOR NEEDS A BAILOUT. Let Lex (aka Mad Men‘s Jon Hamm in a bad bald wig) explain.
I thought shootings like that weren’t supposed to happen in areas where they strongly support individual ownership of firearms. I mean, with all the people who must have been packing heat heat around there, surely one of them could have stopped the loon.