Don't ask, don't tell, don't scrap it just yet. The Obama administration wins a reprieve that keeps gay service members in legal limbo, persuading an appeals court to undo its previous order immediately dismantling the law. The court agreed, under one condition: No punishment or investigations allowed.
The News Corp. implosion once again is felt across the Atlantic. The onetime lunch-fetcher whom Rupert Murdoch installed as head of Dow Jones (aka the Wall Street Journal) has resigned. Les Hinton was once in charge of the British paper central to the spreading phone-hacking and bribery scandal.
Providing closure and catharsis for a family in agony, Yashanee Vaughn's remains were finally found on Rocky Butte yesterday—nearly four months after the girl first vanished—after the man accused of killing her reportedly told authorities exactly where to look.
Lost in the back and forth over the United States' debt ceiling PANIC! is a decent discussion of all the reasons why, y'know, it might actually make sense to PANIC! if we somehow allow ourselves to arbitrarily run out of room to pay our bills. Once more, with feeling: PANIC!
Guess which presidential candidate Wall Street is putting its money behind. Hint: It's not the fellow currently in office.
Guess which presidential candidate used to belong to a church that actually believes the Roman Catholic pope is the Antichrist (as opposed to an apologist for the sex criminals and perverts damaging the brand). Yeah, that's an easy one, too.
With sincere apologies to this noble notion in Portland, it seems that merely putting a grocery store in a hardscrabble neighborhood won't do a thing for residents if there's already a fast-food location, or several, open all goddamned night, within a minute's drive.
Fast food? Who's still hungry? A man cleaning a meat grinder fell into the machine and apparently remained conscious while it consumed his legs, eventually savaging him so badly he died the next day in the hospital.
If Sausage McHumans don't excite you, then how about just a whole baby? A woman in the lesser Vancouver is accused of trying to sell her three-day-old baby (for the special low price of $500! act now!) outside a Taco Bell.
And, hey, here's another horrifying story about a new mother accused of something terrible (other than deciding that "photographing pregnant ladies" is a fine day job to have): Faking cancer to disguise her own pregnancy, and then placing her baby boy, who survived, inside a garbage can.
Some bullshit is happening with some big road somewhere in Los Angeles. Whatever.
The North Korean women's soccer team is filled with cheats. Whatever.
PEOPLE! DIVORCE IS THE SADDEST THING IN GOD'S UNIVERSE! (WHICH IS ALSO CALLED "HEAVEN.") IT MAKES THE SERAPHIM WEEP BLOOD AND THE CHERUBIM LOSE WEIGHT? SERIOUSLY!