Males here!
  • Male's here!

Jon Ritzheimer wants you to stop sending your "hate mail," to the militia holed up at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. And by hate mail, Ritzheimer means dildos and other assorted dicks.

Ritzheimer is one of the douchenozzles self-styled patriots who, a little more than a week ago, commandeered a deserted building in the middle of nowhere for reasons that are no longer clear but apparently involved taking land from the control of the federal government and returning it to its "rightful owners," a term that is used in this case to mean ranchers, when, in reality, the rightful owners of the swath of land in question are the members of the Burns Paiute Tribe, but that's a different story.

OK, first of all, I fail to understand how getting a perfectly good double-headed dildo, for free, in the mail, is considered hateful. I mean, I've paid real cash money to have the very same thing sent to me.

Second, can we PLEASE start a campaign to get everyone to send those patriots a dick of some sort? It would be so good.

Third, JUST THINK OF WHAT THIS WILL DO FOR THE #BUNDYEROTICFANFIC creators. Do you hear me Colin Meloy? No longer must these turgid scenes featuring panting patriots with long ignored desires facilitate just the cold metal of a sidearm or long gun. Now our boys can do their duty to one another with supple silicon and latex toys like the rest of us 'mericans do it.

Here's the whole video for your enjoyment:

I'd like to point out a couple things about the video:

1) The dramatic sweeping of all the "hate mail" off the table is a nice touch.
2) I am particularly interested in the way Ritzheimer pulls out the double-header to show the camera and then covers it up when he sets it down.