Dolly Parton helps finance promising COVID vaccine. BECAUSE SHES A GODDAMN SAINT, IS WHY!
Dolly Parton helps finance promising COVID vaccine. BECAUSE SHE'S A GODDAMN SAINT, IS WHY! Kevin Winter / Getty Images

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

• The Oregon Health Authority reported 935 new positive COVID-19 cases today, 378 people hospitalized (a jump of 30 from yesterday), and a death count of 13—the second highest since the pandemic began. Starting tomorrow, we will officially kick off Gov. Brown's state-wide "freeze"/semi-lockdown, which you can learn more about here. Now more than ever, WASH YA DAMN HANDS, WEAR YA DAMN MASK, AND (especially) KEEP YA DAMN DISTANCE.

• The city of Bend, Oregon has instituted a hotline for residents to report businesses who refuse to follow the statewide mask mandate. (Sorry, trolls! This time you can't be anonymous.)

• Today in "WAY TO GO, SHITHEADS": "Washington wedding with 300 guests linked to 17 coronavirus cases."

• Good news for two of Oregon's tribal nations (and salmon): Oregon and California are teaming up to remove four dams on the Klamath River and restore it to its natural state.

• Here's something the Lloyd Center Mall really didn't need: Macy's has announced it will be permanently leaving the struggling mall in January.

• Oregon House Speaker Tina Kotek has been nominated by her fellow Democrats to continue serving in her role in the next legislative session. But Rep. Jenelle Bynum, who also sought the nomination, said she plans to seek the speaker position in a vote on the House floor in January. There's a chance that Bynum, who is more moderate than Kotek, could draw the support of both Republicans and some of her follow Democrats.


• Presidential LOSER Donald Trump continues his LOSING streak in the courts, with the Pennsylvania Supreme Court shooting down his false claim that ballot counting observers weren't allowed to get close enough to the action. If you want to read and laugh your guts out about how hapless Trump's legal team is, check out this article!

• Oregon's surge in coronavirus cases comes as other states across the country are experiencing the same concerning trend—and enacting their own new restrictions. Iowa's governor finally passed a mask mandate (after initially poking fun at masks), and the city of Philadelphia has banned virtually all indoor gatherings through the end of 2020.

• Just another reason to say "Thank GOD for Dolly Parton": "Dolly Parton helped fund Moderna's Covid-19 vaccine research."

• Governors across the nation are pleading with the federal government to step up with more leadership and especially money to help Americans make it through the winter. Money: Could happen if Mitch McConnell gets out of the way (doubt that... see below). Leadership: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA... right.

• Instead of helping Americans through this crisis, Senate Majority Turtle Mitch McConnell is focused on shoving as many Trump appointees into place before Biden arrives in January. However one of these controversial appointees—Judy Shelton, who's been nominated to lead the Federal Reserve even though she DESPISES the Federal Reserve—was stalled today when Republicans didn't have enough votes because of members who are in COVID quarantine.

• Meanwhile, president-elect Joe Biden announced a bunch of his picks for his senior White House team, all of whom are experienced, vetted, and know what the fuck they're doing. Ahhhh... breath of fresh air.

• Amazon is getting into the pill peddling biz, offering online pharmacy services and free prescription delivery to its Prime members. That sustained groan you hear is Walgreens and CVS saying, "Ohhhh fuuuuuuudge."

• Today in "It was worse than you thought" news: "About 90,000 sex abuse claims filed in Boy Scouts bankruptcy."

• TOMORROW NIGHT on Wednesday, November 18, it's the latest I, ANONYMOUS SHOW featuring the wildest anonymous confessions and rants, with hilarious comedy from Amy Miller, Adam Pasi, and Carla Rossi! GET THOSE TICKETS NOW!

• The results are in, and the people have spoken: YOU LOVE GOOD AFTERNOON, NEWS! Never miss a single informative, entertaining post by subscribing HERE.

• The WEATHER REPORT: Heavy showers tomorrow and a high of 51!

• And finally, here is every American in a nutshell.