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Just waiting in line for a presidential pardon.
Just waiting in line for a presidential pardon. Chip Somodevilla / Staff / Getty

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! I don't want a place to stay. Get your booty on the floor tonight, make my day. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

• Oregon set a new record yesterday for most COVID-19 deaths (24) reported in a single day. Gov. Brown responded to the skyrocketing deaths, cases, and hospitalizations by adding another five counties (25 total) to the "extreme risk" category which will have the most stringent restrictions for at least two weeks.

• Gov. Brown also announced Oregon's proposed budget for the coming year, which includes money for homelessness and affordable housing (particularly for people of color), school programs, and updates to the unemployment distribution system, while—more controversially—trimming compensation for healthcare workers and closing prisons.

• A federal judge has agreed with activist group Don't Shoot Portland that local cops violated a court order to stop unnecessarily firing so-called "less lethal" munitions at protesters during the summer demonstrations. BUT GET THIS: While the judge agreed Portland Police clearly violated the restraining order three times—it was only for ONE SINGLE DAY, which means there are more than 100 other days that will be closely examined as well. The penalty for violating the restraining order is forthcoming, but for the city... it ain't gonna be pretty. Our Alex Zielinski has more.

• Related: According to a state report examining racial bias during police stops, the Clackamas County Sheriff's Office was singled out for the many glaring disparities in how they cited Black and Latinx people.

• After a 58 year run, Milwaukie's beloved Kellogg Bowl is closing permanently.

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• Britain is the now the first country to approve the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine, which is scheduled to be rolled out next week to a limited number of healthcare workers and older citizens. The US is expected to grant approval in a little over a week, and according to advice from the CDC, the vaccine should first be given to frontline workers in the medical community and nursing home residents.

• The Department of Justice is investigating a possible "bribery for pardon" scheme that involves (you guessed it!) the White House—and while the names in the document are currently redacted and does not specifically mention Trump, the president's tweet from last night tells you everything you need to know: "Pardon investigation is Fake News!"

• Speaking of assumed criminal behavior, Trump is already asking for advice on how to pardon all his children, Jared "JARED!" Kushner, and pants-tugging skeleton Rudy Giuliani—because that's what you do with innocent people, right? Pardon them?

• Mewling lackey/Attorney General Bill Barr announced that the Justice Department has found NO evidence of widespread voter fraud that would've given the election to Trump. (Can someone give him directions to the unemployment line?)

• Eternally corrupt GOP senators are already signaling that, just like in the Obama years, they are going to OBSTRUCT THE FUCK out of the Biden administration—starting with his choices of cabinet nominees.

• Georgia’s voting system manager (and Republican) Gabriel Sterling gave an emotional, angry speech yesterday aimed at Trump and his followers after state voting officials and family members received threats of violence and sexual assault. (Dear Republicans: While I'm sure this sort of behavior is very upsetting, where was this vitriol when people of color, activists, and members of press [including myself and my staff] were receiving these types of violent threats FOR YEARS? Maybe you'll be forced to get used to it, like we were.)

• Wait a second... this is starting to sound like a fun place: "Parler’s got a porn problem: Adult businesses target pro-Trump social network."

• Let the bells ring and confetti fall: Elliot Page—the star of Juno and Umbrella Academy—has come out as transgender and non-binary. Congrats to him/them!

• The results are in, and the people have spoken: YOU LOVE GOOD AFTERNOON, NEWS! Never miss a single informative, entertaining post by subscribing HERE.

• Now let's scrutinize the sky for the WEATHER: Sunny and a bit windy today with a high of 50!

• And finally, having trouble waking up? Use this for your alarm!