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Mayor Wheelers advisor Sam Adams pens ridiculously bad plan to force houseless people into large camps.
Mayor Wheeler's advisor Sam Adams pens ridiculously bad plan to force houseless people into large camps. Matt Davis

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Dig your thong box out of the garage, because it's gonna be a pretty glorious, sunny weekend with highs around 60. Now... LET'S GO TO PRESS.


• Today in UGH!!: Former mayor/now advisor Sam Adams is pitching a cruel, almost certainly unconstitutional plan to create three, massive 1,000 person camps where homeless people will be forced to live under the supervision of the National Guard—all in an ultimate bid to prohibit unsanctioned camping across the city. Hmmm... WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? (Read the full memo here.)

• Still reeling from mishandling sexual harassment allegations against former Thorns coach Paul Riley, the Timbers organization is facing yet another scandal—this time stemming from domestic assault accusations leveled against player Andy Polo. Once again the question being aimed at management is "what did they know, and when did they know it?" Abe Asher has the troubling details.

• It's official: Oregon has passed the Omicron peak (as of January 27) and is on a downward trajectory according to Oregon Health Authority officials. However, hospitals are still stressed which means to KEEP THOSE MASKS ON, BOZOS.

• Following the alarming news about high lead levels in the water coming out of a number of Portland faucets, the Portland Water Bureau announced that a new water treatment facility should be open in April to help mitigate the problem. Find out more (including if your home might be susceptible to high lead levels in your water) with this interesting report from our Isabella Garcia.

• Of the 30 largest American cities, Portland is the only one that still uses a commission form of government. But after many failed attempts to reform the system, this year there appears to be real momentum for change. Find out what other cities went through to change their forms of government with this great explainer from Abe Asher!

• The new documentary Who We Are: A Chronicle of Racism in America draws on creator Jeff Robinson’s long history of studying law and racial justice in America—which opened in Portland today and is a must-see! Check out the Mercury interview with Robinson from Chase Hutchinson.


• Just in time for Valentine's: President Biden is scheduled to meet with Vladimir Putin on Saturday, while also warning that Russia could invade Ukraine at any time—perhaps even during the Olympics. (Which is a bad idea... nobody's watching the Olympics anyway.)

• An Ontario court has ruled that anti-vax hee-haws must stop blocking the Canadian border by 7 pm tonight, giving the ignorant ding-dongs a chance to disband peacefully.

• The FDA is tapping the brakes on authorizing the Pfizer vaccine for kids ages five and under as they wait for further scientific data... as opposed to getting all their science from a Joe Rogan podcast.

• Meanwhile the CDC has released a study that shows the effectiveness of boosters could wane after four months—but is still very effective in keeping one out of the hospital. But by all means, Rogan lovers... keep mixing horse urine in your Kool-Aid or whatever it is you ding-dongs are partial to these days.

• Do you love someone or something? Then let them (and the world) know by sending them a FREE Mercury Reader Valentine! Submissions are open until February 17, lovebirds!

• It’s back for 2022! America’s sexiest, funnest dirty movie fest, HUMP! Coming at ya starting February 24 at Revolution Hall—GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

• And finally... what to do the next time some butthole screams, "I want to see the manager!"