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New legal psilocybin rule #1: Take it eeeeeeasy!
New legal psilocybin rule #1: Take it eeeeeeasy! Lera Danilova /iStock / Getty Images Plus

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Happy Valentine's Day afternoon—which means there's STILL TIME to not look like a heel and send your sweetie a FREE Mercury Reader Valentine (we'll even let them know they got one... so HURRY). Now... LET'S GO TO PRESS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

Oregon lawmakers are considering giving themselves a big raise—but hold on, there! Before you lose your mind, a lot of community groups and labor unions are behind the idea, and say raising lawmakers salaries to roughly $57,000 per year (up from a paltry $33,000) will encourage a more diverse group of candidates.

• Remember when Oregonians approved legalizing psilocybin (AKA "magic mushrooms") in small doses and with psychiatric oversight to help treat a laundry list of mental illnesses? Well, a first draft of the rules that could dictate how the drug would be regulated has been released—and they're pretty interesting! (Including instructing makers not to market the product to children by making the 'shrooms in the "shape of an animal, vehicle, person or character.” Dang! There goes my idea to make a Transformers™-shaped mushroom.)

• Today in "Ummmm... NO THANKS! Next!": "Controversial comedian Dave Chappelle returns to Portland for a stand-up show in April."

• If you're a mystery lover, then you may want to catch the newest film version of Agatha Christie's Death on the Nile (directed by/starring Kenneth Branagh, and now in theaters), in which the biggest mystery of all is in detective Hercule Poirot's mustache... and his heart. (Awwwww! Look, don't be a Scrooge, it's Valentine's Day!) Matt Baume has the review.

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Uh-oh! The accounting firm who prepared presidential swindler Donald Trump's financial statements has announced they can no longer stand behind 10 years of their work and have cut ties with him as the ongoing investigations into his business and finances deepen.

• Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is finally cracking down on the ding-dong anti-vax truckers who have been blockading border crossings and other dipshit shenanigans for weeks, and has invoked the country’s Emergencies Act, which allows the government to step in and break up this gang of trucker turds.

• The three Georgia white men who were convicted of murdering Ahmaud Arbery are now facing hate crime charges in federal court, and prosecutors say the men targeted Arbery for the color of his skin. (We hold this truth to be self-evident!)

• Saaaaad trommmmbone: Sarah Palin's bullshit defamation suit leveled against the New York Times has been dismissed by a judge, who found that the newspaper had not "acted with malice" while reporting on her.

• It's been decided that Russian skater Kamila Valieva, who tested positive for a banned substance, will be allowed to compete in the Winter Olympics anyway... and a lot of people are naturally not very happy about that!

• Do you love someone or something? Then let them (and the world) know by sending them a FREE Mercury Reader Valentine! Submissions are open until February 17, lovebirds!

• It’s back for 2022! America’s sexiest, funnest dirty movie fest, HUMP! Coming at ya starting February 24 at Revolution Hall—GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

• And finally... here is the only post-Super Bowl content worth watching.