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Portlands fave traffic-blocking elk to return in 2023.
Portland's fave traffic-blocking elk to return in 2023. Photographs in the Carol M. Highsmith Archive, Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division.

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! You are officially on the (cushion-y) backside of this week, which means it's all downhill from here! You can do this! Now... LET'S DO SOME NEWS.


• Pop up some corn, because tomorrow (Thursday) is the day the Oregon Supreme Court will decide whether or not self-proclaimed "Oregonian" Nick Kristof can run for governor. As you probably remember, the Oregon Secretary of State said that Kristof did not meet the residency requirements to run for the office, since he voted in New York state as recently as 2020, among other reasons. Win or lose, Kristof will be holding a press conference tomorrow following the decision in which he will surely cry like a baby, or crow "I told you so!!" while trying to justify his worrying lack of experience.

• During a 2020 demonstration, a US Marshal shot peaceful protester Donovan LaBella in the head with an impact munition leaving him with a debilitating injury, and the Feds are still refusing to identify the officer, which makes it kind of hard for the victim to file a lawsuit against the person who shot him. The Feds aren't saying exactly why they're refusing identification, but one probable reason is that they want to spare the officer any "personal embarrassment." (You may now scream, "WTF???")

• Three local civil rights organizations (the ACLU of Oregon, Justice Resource Center, and the Portland chapter of the NAACP) are calling bull-hockey on the recent independent investigation into racial bias within the Portland Police Bureau, saying that the report lets the cops off the hook and didn't challenge the officers' denial of systemic racism within the department.

• Good news for elk fans! Portland's fave downtown, traffic-blocking elk statue—damaged during the 2020 protests—is set to return to a new, modified post on SW Main by 2023.


• More bad news for Trump (which is always good news for me): President Biden has ordered that Trump's White House visitor logs be turned over to the January 6 congressional panel, even though the former president tried to FALSELY (AGAIN) claim they fell under executive privilege. Ha-Ha-Haaaaaah.

• No surprise here: Two of three Georgia men convicted of murdering Ahmaud Arbery repeatedly used racial slurs (and occasionally violent comments toward Black people) in their texts and social media posts, according to the FBI and anyone with a brain.

• The CDC director had some encouraging words to say about falling Omicron cases across the US, adding that while we should currently remain vigilant, the government is contemplating a change to its mask guidance in the coming weeks.

• Today in "Florida Woman" news: "Florida woman used PPP loan to hire hit man to kill young mother in front of her daughter."

• Does someone love you? There's only one way to find out... check the Mercury Reader Valentines to see if you got a mushy, romantic note! (Psst! Submissions are open until February 17, lovebirds!)

• It’s back for 2022! America’s sexiest, funnest dirty movie fest, HUMP! Coming at ya starting February 24 at Revolution Hall—GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

• And finally... WEDNESDAYS, AMIRITE? (Don't worry, it ends happily!)