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A protester bravely risks her life to protest Russias invasion on state-run TV.
A protester bravely risks her life to protest Russia's invasion on state-run TV. Twitter screenshot

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Hey weather freaks! Expect heavier rains tonight and showers tomorrow, but nicer weather touches down on Wednesday. Now let's dip into today's news!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Happy end of mask mandate day! But, BUT, BUT! While you may feel safe forcefully exhaling all the crap in your lungs all over the frozen food aisle of Safeway, please remember that there are many immunocompromised people (and loved ones who are trying to protect them) who will remain masked until we are ACTUALLY out of this pandemic. Be sweet, okay?

• Commish Jo Ann Hardesty announced today that the participants in Portland's outdoor dining program (those darling pop-up seating arrangements outside restaurants on the sidewalk and in some parking spaces) will be able to remain where they are through August—and perhaps beyond, as the city is considering making the program permanent. YES, PLEASE!

• Some real shithead Nazi-lovers spray-painted some gross graffiti (swastikas and the like) on the Cleveland High School building and stadium over the weekend. In a related story of shitheads, racist pigs at some Bend high schools are being racist fucking pigs, which is forcing parents to take their students of color out of the institutions.

• In other shithead news, far-right activist (and former Malheur Refuge domestic terrorist) Ammon Bundy has been arrested AGAIN for trespassing—this time for refusing to leave a Boise hospital who was trying to protect a malnourished child from his icky parents. (It's almost like people don't like having Ammon Bundy around!)

• Yaaaaaaaaay. Can't wait. :(

• In better literary news:

• If you're hankering for some lighter news, funny stuff, and trashy gossip, then DO NOT MISS the triumphant return of Elinor Jones and her new Mercury column, THE TRASH REPORT. She goes through the garbage so you don't have to!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Russia continues to bomb the Ukrainian city of Kyiv, making peace talks between the two countries... umm... somewhat difficult. Meanwhile Ukraine Prez Zelensky will be speaking to the US Congress on Wednesday, and will probably be asking for assistance in the form of jet fighters. And arrests are taking place after protesters broke into and occupied a Russian oligarch's London mansion—no word yet on whether they are using the butler. (What a sitcom that would be!)

• A search is underway for a gunman who appears to be stalking and killing houseless people in New York City and Washington, DC. He has reportedly killed two so far and wounded three others. (This is a reminder if you're using dehumanizing language—or enacting cruel policies—when referring to houseless folks, this is the trickledown effect.)

• Today in "That tracks": "Justice Clarence Thomas’ Wife Admits She Was at Jan. 6 Rally."

• Okay, nobody panic, but former Prez Barack Obama has caught the COVID... but, he is doing okay and Michelle Obama has tested negative. (You can take your heart out of your throat now.)

• SNL star/comedian Pete Davidson has been chosen as one of the six privileged white people to ride Jeff Bezo's Blue Origin rocket to the edge of outer space next week. (God, I am SO GLAD I'm not on that flight!)

• Feeling thirsty? Then get ready for the boozy fun of the Mercury’s HIGHBALL—a week of specialty cocktails mixed by the city’s best bartenders… and for only $6 each! And it's happening RIGHT NOW through March 20!

• And finally... she makes a good point.