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Good afternoon, Portland! "I hope you’re all happy. This week was gonna be a glorious rain of Timothée Chalamet nip-slip memes, but instead, you’re all in for a year-plus of slap memes," says Emily Flake—no doubt taking exquisite dictation from the TRUE VICTIM of this year's Oscars ceremony.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• A Multnomah County judge has ruled that City Commissioner Jo Ann Hardesty must pay Bank of America the $16,000 of credit card debt that she owes. The debt isn't new information to Portlanders, and Hardesty said in December that she intends to pay it back.
• It's been just over a year since the Portland Street Response program began as a pilot program, solely responding to calls in Southeast's Lents neighborhood. On Monday, it formally expanded to respond to calls originating from across Portland.
"Although Portland has been home to Indigenous people for thousands of years... these histories are not well-reflected among the City’s monuments," the city's request reads. https://t.co/hYpaoaOLk0
— Alex Zielinski (@alex_zee) March 29, 2022
• Sorry, I can't come to Shake Shack, I'm polysaturated. Learn to use this and other cool verbiage maneuvers on this week's sincere, friend-check-style Savage Love column.
• Have you been looking for tickets to the SOLD OUT Valerie June show? We've got you. Enter the Mercury's free ticket Tuesday drawing for a chance at free passes to either June or Austra—both happening this weekend!
IN NATIONAL NEWS:
• HOLY SHIT, it took until now for lynching to be a federal hate crime? It's good that we finally have it on the books. Today President Biden signed the "Emmett Till Antilynching Act" into law.
• If you needed another reason to shop local and hate Amazon, the all-powerful e-commerce company asked Seattle Pride to rename their parade this year—to "Seattle Pride Parade Presented by Amazon." The Stranger's Matt Baume reports the real hiccup isn't Amazon's grabby demands, but the massive donations it made to homophobic politicians last year.
• The New York Times took on a long form exploration of lead poisoning and the way the nation's insurance and real estate companies have worked to diminish their own liabilities. The companies argue that society should focus on getting lead out of low-income rental units, but the costly lawsuits were one of the major incentives for landlords to do so.
• Ready to regard the majesty and SUPERIORITY of bugs? I know I am! Yes, queen, assume your defensive stance. I have procured tiny dollar bills to throw.
Insect portraiture is still relatively rare compared with other forms of wildlife photography. But what it lacks in megafauna charisma it makes up for in alien glamour. https://t.co/HDOLDwRpeJ
— Sierra Magazine (@Sierra_Magazine) March 28, 2022
• AHOY THERE, STONERS! The SPLIFF Film Festival—featuring short, hilarious, trippy, and thoughtful mini-movies about cannabis and made by stoners just like YOU—is coming to Revolution Hall for one night only on Saturday, April 16! GET THOSE TICKETS NOW!
• In closing, I had not considered the plight of the Kharkiv kangaroos. I'm glad this guy did.
Are you expecting good news? We have them. Eight kangaroos were evacuated from the Feldman eco-park in Kharkiv region. #StandWithUkraine pic.twitter.com/mwErrzqglH
— Oleksandra Matviichuk (@avalaina) March 26, 2022