It seems perverse and a bit cruel to ask a perennially single
and grumpy-about-it employee to write a roundup of romantic date spots,
doesn’t it? I mean, Jesus, talk about salting a wound. But the
Mercury overlords have spoken, so I’ll do my best: Here’s a
short list of spots you can take a date in order to ensure that they
will probably put out later. Or, er… if you want to show your
schmoopy-woopy that you really care, here are some places where cuisine
and candlelight combine, where glances linger, and—oh,
whatever.
Pix Patisserie
3901 N Williams, 3402 SE Division,
3731 SE Hawthorne,
pixpatisserie.com
It might seem a little obvious, but don’t overlook Pix Patisserie
for all your romance-related needs. Not only do bitches love chocolate
(we do!), the three Pix locations also offer a variety of other
desserts (including killer homemade ice cream), plus they have the most
exhaustive selection of booze around (Belgian ales, fancy liqueurs,
dessert wines, and on and on). PLUS! Pix really gets into the spirit of
this Valentine’s Day thing, and there are a crapload of contests and
love-themed jollity going on until the V-Day apocalypse is finally
over. Such as: a confession wall, where you can submit your anonymous
secrets for all the world to read. A love letter contest, where
contestants are challenged to pen an ode to chocolate—the winner
will receive a $100 Pix gift certificate and a box of chocolates. And
best of all, on Valentine’s Day, one gift box will contain a diamond
pendant necklace!
Tabla
200 NE 28th, 238-3777
Tabla Mediterranean Bistro on NE 28th recently brought back their
prix fixe menu, which has long been one of the better date deals
around. A mere $24 will get you a choice of an appetizer, a pasta dish,
and an entrée—that’s pretty damn cheap, particularly
considering that Tabla’s bright open kitchen, well-heeled staff, and
sleek dining room all seem to cater to the higher end of the income
spectrum. The menu, too, is fine-tuned and a bit spendy, featuring
homemade pastas and a rotating lineup of meticulously prepared regional
dishes. But at $24, even the riffraff can afford a little romance, and
if you’ve got money to burn, you’ll find appropriate libational
accompaniment on a well-chosen list of Spanish, Italian, and French
wines. (If you don’t have money to burn, Chin Yen is right up the
street.)
Sapphire Hotel
5008 SE Hawthorne, 232-6333
The very date-oriented Sapphire Hotel wants you to come in and eat
and drink and make merry, and then they want you to go home and do it.
I mean, they don’t come right out and say so explicitly, but
they sure don’t hesitate to let you know that the bar is housed in a
former brothel, and why else would they tell us that? Froofy cocktails
and a fusion-y menu combine with moody red décor and flickering
candles to create an aphrodisiac environment in which damn near
everyone becomes better looking and exponentially more interesting.
Anyone who takes a date to the Sapphire and doesn’t get a piece later
might want to take a real hard look in the mirror.
Lovely Hula Hands
4057 N Mississippi, 445-9910
Don’t take just any date to Lovely Hula Hands—it’s a little
spendy, so if you’re dating someone who’d be just as happy eating at
the Macaroni Grill, you might as well skip it. If, though, you’ve
landed yourself a discriminating date who appreciates the finer things,
taking them to Hula Hands will reflect well on you. The menu rotates
seasonally, and while the kitchen certainly adheres to the
local/sustainable ethos, you won’t find any elaborately concocted
towers of food here. The food is expertly prepared but unfussy, and the
ambiance is similarly elegant without being uptight.
The Farm
10 SE 7th, 736-3276
My last visit to the Farm was a while ago, but it was one of those
Perfect Dates, where good food and good company coincided, where you
both end up pleasantly full and pleasantly drunk, but not so much of
either that you don’t want to have sex afterward. There’s no denying
that the cozy little farmhouse off of E Burnside just oozes
ambiance—and everybody looks good in that lighting. With a
vegetarian-oriented menu that also encompasses fish, it’s a great spot
for couples with different dietary preferences: Vegetarians won’t feel
like they’re stuck with a token pasta dish, and carnivores will still
be able to sink their incisors into a big slab of protein, albeit of
the water-dwelling sort. The Farm has something of a reputation for
lackadaisical service, so if you’re the controlling, date-perfectionist
type, best go elsewhere—but if you can relax into the pace of the
place, you’re in for a treat. Well-executed dishes made with fresh,
local ingredients (homemade butternut squash ravioli; a fantastically
addictive “three-cheese” ball; simple, sensible, well-portioned seafood
dishes) and inventive house cocktails (a Bloody Mary with beet juice?)
are worth the wait for a table.