One reason I am terrified to have children is that I’m pretty sure
I’d make a terrible parent. And since my own childhood was spent
successfully wheedling candy and pork pies out of a mother who felt
guilty for spending too much time at work, I’m aware that children who
are granted special treatment in exchange for being spoiled
brats tend to behave like spoiled brats more often—not less. They
also get fat.
Police Commissioner Dan Saltzman is acting like a bad parent
to the Portland Police Association (PPA). Perhaps he felt bad
about the Chasse inquiry taking three years, and only imposing two
weeks of suspension on Officer Christopher Humphreys as a
result. Fellow “parent” Commissioner Randy Leonard was
pressuring him to impose discipline differently—judgment of other
parenting styles comes with the territory—and so two weeks ago
Saltzman suspended Humphreys indefinitely for a separate
incident—shooting a 12-year-old girl in the leg with a beanbag
shotgun.
As a toddler, when I reached up for the hot kettle, my mother
shouted “no,” and maybe gave me a smack. Smacking children is no longer
kosher, but I quickly learned not to do it again. Perhaps if Saltzman
had properly smacked Officer Humphreys after the Chasse incident, the
little brat would have learned not to misbehave. Instead Saltzman gave
him the disciplinary equivalent of a pork pie—two weeks
off. No wonder Humphreys felt emboldened.
Here’s the thing, parents: Never back down. Once you’ve said “no,”
you have to mean “no.” So even if Saltzman did overreach by suspending
Humphreys for the beanbag incident, he should’ve stood his
ground. And besides, Humphreys had it coming—although you
won’t find those words in many appropriate parenting books. Then again,
not many toddlers are witnessed beating their fellow citizens to
death and denying them medical treatment.
By reinstating Humphreys on desk duty this week, Saltzman has given
in to the PPA’s tantrum, and given PPA boss Scott Westerman a
big pile of treats in exchange for throwing a hissy fit.
If Saltzman is to become a better parent, he now needs to
renegotiate the city’s disciplinary contract with the PPA in
2010. We need the power to appropriately discipline officers like
Humphreys before they’re able to terrorize our city and then claim
“stress disability” for a situation they caused.