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Mayday! Mayday! Were going down!!
"Mayday! Mayday! We're going down!!" Courtesy Reuters / New York Times

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Tender words you say, take my breath away. Love me now, and leave me never. Found a sacred place, lost in your embrace. I want to stay in this forever. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

People residing on the Deschutes River in Wasco County have been told to immediately evacuate the area due to raging wildfires.

Oregon candidate for governor Knute Buehler—a Republican, of course—says if elected he will end the state's 30-year-old sanctuary law.

Portland Police arrested a man on a hate crime charge after he repeatedly punched a woman in the face and made several comments about her sexuality.

Facebook lost roughly $120 billion yesterday after failing to hit second quarter earning goals, causing their stocks to nosedive. Meanwhile, Twitter's stock dropped 15 percent.

Putin has invited his favorite marionette Donald Trump to Russia for a second secret-spilling meeting.

Investigative hero Robert Mueller is reportedly looking very closely at Trump's tweets to determine whether he tried to obstruct justice. (Spoiler alert: HE DID. Keep on tweeting, dum-dum!)

Meanwhile Trump's former lawyer Michael Cohen continues his reported flip on the president, allegedly saying he'll testify that Trump knew about Don Jr.'s 2016 meeting with the Russians. Guess how Trump responded? Hint: It rhymes with "MO SHMULUSION."

Former Trump conspirator Omarosa now says she's going to write a "jaw-dropping" tell-all book about her time the White House. Pro-tip for Omarosa: Don't use Sean Spicer's fact check team!

The economy surged upward in the last three months, but before Trump gets too excited, economists warn this was a very temporary blip caused by his trade war that will ultimately cause far more harm than good.

Today's headline that will make you say "HURRAH!": "Betsy DeVos' $40 Million Yacht Set Adrift By Vandals At Ohio Dock."

And now let's look up at the WEATHER: Surprise! MORE HOT. But Sunday is the HOT day you'll need to look out for.

And finally, as we mentioned on Wednesday, PBOT is trying to get ahead of the e-scooter companies that are arriving in Portland... but according to their Twitter account, THEY AIN'T TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT.


Oh, and somewhat related?