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Tent platforms for a Southeast Portland homeless camp set to open this week.
Tent platforms for a Southeast Portland homeless camp set to open this week. Alex Zielinski

Good morning, Portland. We've made it a month through quarantine. Here's the news you need to start month two:

We're Plateauing! As in Oregonians have been social distancing enough to avoid 18,000 extra cases of COVID-19 (not "you've hit your creative peak and will never produce anything better in your life"). All we have to do is stay inside for at least six more weeks to successfully run COVID-19 out of town. See you in... June? Sure, that may sound rough, but take a peek at the skyrocketing death rates predicted in other states to remind yourself that this shit is WORTH IT.

Road Map: What happens to the national economy when this is all over? Have no fear: the White House has absolutely no game plan. Asked by reporters Friday what metrics Donald Trump would use to decide to re-open the country and jumpstart the economy, he pointed to his head and said: “The metrics right here. That’s my metrics. That’s all I can do.”

Famous Men With COVID-19 Update: UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has left the hospital after falling ill with COVID-19. ABC News host George Stephanopoulos has tested positive for COVID-19, and Tom Hanks, who had COVID-19 once (years ago, it seems), hosted SNL from home.

Lost in the Supermarket: As demand for groceries continues to grow, so does the number of grocery workers who are staying home or quitting altogether out of fear of contracting COVID-19. For good reason: At least 41 grocery workers in the US have died from the virus. That's left grocery stores scrambling to hire new staff in an inherently unsafe environment.

Class and COVID-19: It's no surprise that the coronavirus' spread has only underscored the serious inequities in the US, but the stories are still sobering to hear. Here's how class determines the ability to have privacy and space during a pandemic, how the virus will leave wealthier kids better educated, and how low-income people of color have been disproportionally sickened by the virus.

Urban Campsites: In Portland, city officials have decided to open three tent villages for houseless people in Multnomah County unable to stay at home to prevent contracting the virus. The three sites, with 45 tents each, will open to tenants at the end of this week. I caught a glimpse of construction at one of the villages over the weekend:

The Elderly Are Not Alright: The Oregon Health Authority is finally releasing data on the number of residents at long-term care facilities and nursing homes who've been sickened or died from COVID-19. Unsurprisingly, these facilities have been decimated by the virus. Officials, meanwhile, are accusing the state of intentionally hiding this information.

What's That? You want to read something heartwarming and goofy that has absolutely nothing to do with the coronavirus? Look no further than this profile of Weird Al Yankovic.

Last, not Least: Here's a mashup of different musicians talking about and playing their favorite John Prime bangers.