MONDAY, DECEMBER 4
Welcome back to One Day at a Time, dearsâand look at that! Itâs already December? That doesnât seem right! Then again, our heart does feel like itâs been frozen into an ice-sharpened chunk of melancholy and despair, so... maybe it does seem right? Who cares! THIS JUST IN! Donât get too excited, but it looks like something good might actually come out of the worldâs current state of abject misery! Following the news of Kevin Spaceyâs sexual assaults, Netflix put the kibosh on House of Cardsâbut now, the network has announced theyâll produce eight more episodes of the show for âa final season that will feature female lead Robin Wrightâwith former star Kevin Spacey cut out of the show completely,â reports NPR. Thatâs fantastic! Robin Wright is great! Hey, can Netflix go back and reshoot the entirety of House of Cards with only Robin Wright? Because that, weâd watch. MEANWHILE... Following the news of Charlie Roseâs sexual assaults, PBS put the kibosh on Charlie Roseâbut now, the network has announced theyâll replace the show with Amanpour, Christiane Amanpourâs London-based news program. Thatâs also fantastic! Christiane Amanpour is also great! Fingers crossed, dears, that the decision to replace misogynistic creeps with smart, talented women continuesâand not just on TV. Everywhere.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 5
Portland-based Columbia Sportswear has found itself embroiled in the cityâs homeless debateâthanks to pouty CEO Tim Boyle threatening to take the business elsewhere unless Mayor Ted Wheeler forbids homeless people from using the sidewalk next to Columbiaâs fancy-pants store downtown! (Well, we assume itâs fancy-pantsâsince we donât have a spare $1,000 to spend on Columbiaâs âWomenâs OutDry⢠Ex Diamond Heatzone Long Parka,â weâve never been allowed inside.) So: Threatening Portlandersâ jobs and making homeless peopleâs lives even harder? Thatâs certainly one way to conduct business in 2017! ALTERNATIVELY... âOutdoor gear company Patagonia says it will take legal action over President Trumpâs move to dramatically shrink two national monuments in Utah,â reports CNN. âThe California-based company, which is known for its activism, joins a growing number of organizations questioning the Trump administrationâs authority to slash the areas covered by Utahâs Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument and Bears Ears National Monument.â âWeâve fought to protect these places since we were founded and now weâll continue that fight in the courts,â said badass Patagonia CEO Rose Marcario, as CNN noted that âPatagonia changed its homepage to an all black background with the message âThe President Stole Your Landâ written in white in the centerâ along with instructions for how visitors could âsupport groups fighting to preserve public lands.â So thatâs another way to conduct business in 2017! We think we know which one we like better.
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 6
And because itâs been at least two days since President Trump (who, as a reminder, lost the popular vote by 2,864,974 votes) has brought about an international crisis... hereâs an international crisis! âPresident Trump on Wednesday formally recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, reversing nearly seven decades of American foreign policy,â reports the New York Times, in what might be the first news story about World War III! Noting that Trumpâs ârecognition of Jerusalem isolates the United States on one of the worldâs most sensitive diplomatic issues,â the NYT added that the announcement drew âa storm of criticism from Arab and European leaders,â as âPope Francis and the Chinese foreign ministry joined the chorus of voices warning that the move could unleash a wave of violence across the region.â âIn an already volatile region, Mr. Trumpâs action will be akin to dousing gasoline on a burning fire,â Ebrahim Moosa, professor of Islamic studies at the University of Notre Dame, told CNN. Speaking of gasoline, thatâs just one of the things Hubby Kip is currently stockpiling in our basementâalong with canned food, bottled water, and a couple of hazmat suits! (Wait. Does Patagonia make a hazmat suit? Maybe one with a cozy down lining and a fur-lined hood? Because surviving the apocalypse is good and all, but if we can look good while surviving the apocalypse, even better.)
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7

Yesterday, 18 Democratic senators (including Sens. Patty Murray, Kamala Harris, Kirsten Gillibrand, and Oregonâs Jeff Merkley) called upon Sen. Al Franken to step down following accusations of sexual harassment and assault. Today Franken apparently got the message, and tendered his resignation speech from the floor of the Senate. But because many men just canât seem to apologize, Frankenâs farewell was filled with venom, snark, and nary a whiff of âIâm sorry.â âI know who I really am,â Franken said to his dubious listeners. âI know in my heart that nothing I have done as a senatorânothingâhas brought dishonor on this institution.â Hm. We suppose this includes the latest allegation that he tried to force a congressional intern to kiss him in 2006, reportedly telling her, âItâs my right as an entertainer.â No thank you, and goodbye. THAT SAID... Even as Franken was ousted for his sins, a certain criminal president accused of sexual harassment/assault, as well as an Alabama gun-totinâ candidate (and racist/homophobe/accused pedophile) are conducting business as usual! Alabamaâs voters will have decided Roy Mooreâs fate by the time you read thisâbut what of Trump? Well, according to a new Quinnipiac poll, a whopping 70 percent of Americans think the allegations against President Trump should be investigated. (Wow! If this keeps up, weâll need so many investigators that unemployment will be a thing of the past! Soooo... thanks, Trump?)
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 8
Meanwhile, another US lawmakerâArizonaâs Republican Rep. Trent Franksâhas resigned under a cloud of sexual harassment allegations... but buckle up, dears, because things are about to get WEIRD. According to Politico, Franks allegedly made âunwanted advancesâ toward two female staffers, asking each if they would act as a surrogate for him and his wife, due to fertility issues. But two things: (1) Surprise! There are actually businesses that find surrogates for couples struggling to conceive! And (2) from the way the female staffers put it, he was asking to impregnate them through sexual intercourse. AND OH, IT GETS WEIRDER. The AP adds that Franks repeatedly pressured one member of his staff to carry his child, and even offered her $5 million to go through with it. Note to infertile couples: SURROGATES DO NOT COST $5 MILLION. Franks is denying the accusationsâbut we would too if we got caught offering $5 million to a co-worker for sex. (Waitasecond! We thought Republicans were supposed to be the financially conservative ones!)
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 9
Today the New York Times published the most comprehensive look yet into how President Trump spends his days in the White House. Here are just a few quotes from the heavily researched and sourced articleâprepare to be horrified. âPeople close to him estimate that Mr. Trump spends at least four hours a day, and sometimes as much as twice that, in front of a television,â wrote the NYT. âHe watches [Jeanine] Pirro and her fellow Fox News hosts Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham, and sometimes âhate-watchesâ CNN to get worked up, especially Don Lemon.â Then, âEnergized, infuriated... Mr. Trump grabs his iPhone. Sometimes he tweets while propped on his pillow... [or] from the den next door, watching another television.â And perhaps most alarming: âWatching cable, he shares thoughts with anyone in the room, even the household staff he summons via a button for lunch or for one of the dozen Diet Cokes he consumes each day.â DEAR GOD. To the makers of Diet Coke: If youâre trying to poison him, youâre doing a piss poor job of it.
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 10

As mentioned earlier, on Tuesday voters in Alabama will decide whether theyâd rather elect a Democrat or an accused pedophile as their next senator. And apparently, this isnât an easy choice for them to make! After all, one candidate prosecuted members of the KKK for a 1963 church bombing that killed four Black girls, while the other hates gays, was removed as state Supreme Court chief justice (twice!), and has a well-documented history of sexually pursuing teen girls while in his 30s. Ugh! Such a frustrating choice, right? Well, even though itâs too late to change anyoneâs mind, hereâs a final tidbit about Roy Moore that was dug up by CNN today. In 2011, Moore appeared on the Aroostok Watchmen radio show hosted by two conspiracy theorists (of course), and said that nullifying every constitutional amendment after the Tenth âwould eliminate many problems,â adding, âPeople donât understand how some of these amendments have completely tried to wreck [our] form of government.â So which amendments follow the Tenth? Oh, just the 13th (which abolished slavery), the 15th (prohibiting government from denying citizens the right to vote based on race), and the 19th (which gave women the right to vote). Sooo... hope you cast your ballots, women and Black voters of Alabama! âCause that mightâve been your last chance. [UPDATE: Thanks to the magic of Black women voters, Roy Moore has been defeated. YOU (clap) ARE (clap) THE (clap) BEST!]