[During this time of year, there are literally hundreds of holiday events to choose from—but which ones are truly worth your time? In an effort to make sure you are spending your time wisely, the Mercury staff has been casting its professional critical eye on Christmas-based events. Like this one! You’re welcome!—eds.]
Dear fools of the world: Stop underestimating the mighty tuba!
Due to nearly 200 years of mismanagement from the orchestral elite, the tuba’s mighty, booming voice has been stifled and reduced to shamefully comedic “oom-pah-pahs” by slow-witted, uninspired composers. These tone-deaf idiots remain willfully ignorant of the raw power of the tuba, that when released, rises like a roaring kraken from the waves.
Example: In John Philip Sousa’s magnum opus “The Stars and Stripes Forever,” the song’s midpoint solo is provided by the puny piccolo. Its high-pitched trill is an embarrassment, bringing to mind a high-stepping, ineffectual fop limply waving the flag that so many fought and died for. However, as a youth, my eyes were opened to the tuba’s power and possibility at a high school band competition where this song was featured. Instead of a trilling, feckless piccolo stepping to the front, the solo was performed by the mighty tuba! Where the piccolo would’ve squeaked, the tuba boomed, conjuring visions of a towering giant smashing the scattering, screaming enemies of America! The tuba could easily become the most admired and important instrument of the modern orchestra—if only we’d remove its chains.
With that in mind I attended the recent Tuba Christmas in Portland’s Pioneer Square, in which 300 tubas—300 TUBAS!!—gathered to play holiday-inspired tunes. The result was simultaneously great and frustrating.
