You and everyone you know will die. Thinking about our mortality can be terrifying, which is probably why we’re so averse to discussing the objective realities of death.
If you’re reading this, you probably live in Portland. Maybe you’ve lived here your whole life, and have already experienced the passing of someone close. Or maybe you’re like me, a transplant who often lingers on thoughts about what, exactly, would happen if I or someone I care about died right now. Like, right this minute.
Conceptualizing death might be a lot less stressful if we talked about the facts—where bodies go, the different ways they can be laid to rest, how much it all costs. So here’s a step-by-step guide to what happens when you die in Portland.
According to the Stanford School of Medicine, although 80 percent of Americans would prefer to die at home, “60 percent of Americans die in acute care hospitals, 20 percent in nursing homes, and only 20 percent at home.” Unless we’re all consumed in a nuclear holocaust or swept away by that gnarly earthquake/tsunami combo, odds are you’ll die in a hospital.
There’s at least one in every quadrant of Portland: Northwest has Legacy Good Samaritan, Southwest has the Oregon Health and Science University Hospital (along with the Portland VA Hospital and Doernbecher Children’s Hospital), Northeast has Legacy Emanuel Medical Center and Providence Medical Center, and Southeast has Adventist Medical Center and Providence Milwaukie Hospital (not technically Portland proper, but death knows no borders). You could drop dead anytime and anyplace, but if you have a medical event or an accident requiring acute medical care—perhaps you’ll choke on a grape while picnicking in Laurelhurst Park, or get sideswiped riding your bike on Cesar Chavez—someone will call the paramedics (I mean, hopefully), and you’ll be taken to the hospital.
Following accidents, murders, suicides, overdoses, death from contagions, and on-the-job expiration—basically any death that occurred under suspicious or unknown circumstances—an autopsy is required so law enforcement can figure out what the heck happened. If they need to do one, you’ll be sent to the State Medical Examiner. There’s no fee for the investigation, but there might be a charge to transport the body to and from the Medical Examiner’s office.