Star Wars: Episode VII Has a Title, Still Isn’t Coming Out for 407 Days

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The film previously known as Star Wars: Episode VII, which won’t come out for over a year, now has an official title: Star Wars: The Force Awakens. This title does not change the fact that the film is still not slated for release until 407 days from today, meaning that any number of things could happen by then that would prevent you from seeing a new Star Wars film, regardless of the fact that it has now has title. A dirty bomb could go off in Albuquerque, for example, or you could get hit by a semi truck; you could spiral into an endless and brutal depression, your family could disown you, you could be relocated to McMurdo Station, you could go blind and deaf, or you could just decide that you are an adult and at this point in your life you’ve probably seen enough Star Warses.

A very partial list of high-profile films that will be released between now and Star Wars: The Force Awakens: Paul Thomas Anderson’s Inherent Vice, Judd Apatow and Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck, a Pitch Perfect sequel, the Wachowskis’ Jupiter Ascending, a seventh Fast and the Furious, another Avengers, a Will Ferrell movie called Get Hard, Ant-Man, Brad Bird’s Tomorrowland, Jurassic Park 4, Terminator 5, the Reese Witherspoon-as-Cheryl Strayed hiking epic Wild, the N.W.A. biopic Straight Outta Compton, Ted 2, a Point Break remake, a Fantastic Four reboot, Nicholas Winding Refn’s The Neon Demon, a Goosebumps movie, yet another Peter Jackson movie claiming to be an adaptation of The Hobbit, a Robert Zemeckis movie starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Philippe Petit, a new James Bond, Werner Herzog’s Queen of the Desert, the final Hunger Games, Guillermo Del Toro’s Crimson Peak, a Paul Fieg/Melissa McCarthy comedy, a movie called San Andreas that appears to be about the Rock beating up an earthquake, a new Cameron Crowe movie, an Entourage movie, Fifty Shades of Grey, a new Mad Max, Michael Mann’s Blackhat, Quentin Tarantino’s new western, Magic Mike XXL, a Woody Allen movie starring Emma Stone and Joaquin Phoenix, and Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. Depending on your age, health, and proximity to semi trucks, you could die before seeing any of them; such is the nature of life.

For those of us who do survive until the end of 2015, however, expect there to be many, many more reveals about The Force Awakens between now and then. (Such tidbits will no doubt enthrall me for the next 407 days; you mileage will certainly vary.) For those of us who survive even past then, expect to never not hear about Star Wars from that point on. Presumably, the reason Disney’s dropping the whole Roman numeral “Episode VII” thing from the marketing materials (aside from wanting to distance themselves from Episodes I, II, and III) is because they’re going to be cranking out so many goddamn Star Wars movies that the Romans never even managed to invent that many numbers before their empire crumbled to dust, without even a single episode of Star Wars Rebels to show for it ever having existed. Hey, speaking of Rebels: Have you guys been watching it? I’ve been digging it! It’s pretty good, right?