Iâm a 29-year-old cis straight male. What are the ethics of having a minor cum/breeding kink? Thanks, Dan!
No one chooses their kinksâour kinks choose usâso having a kink doesnât raise ethical issues. Acting on our kinks⌠making choices that impact others⌠thatâs where ethical concerns kick in. So, if it turns you on to âbreedâ someone, as the gay boys (very problematically!) like to say, and you never act on it, if you just sit in your apartment wanking about it, there are no ethical issues. But if you act on this kink with another personâif you want to have unprotected sex with a womanâyou need to make sure sheâs aware of the risks going in and that birth control is her responsibility. And you should be fully awareâgoing in and out and in and outâthat child support could be your responsibility. (Also, you should read Ejaculate Responsibly: A...
I have misophonia. Blowjob noises make me sick. Is it possible to give a quiet blowjob?
Misophonia is a sensory disorder that makes certain sounds extremely unpleasant; eating soundsâmouth noisesâcan be particularly triggering for sufferers. Noise-cancelling headphones seem like an obvious solution, but they wonât work, as noises made in your own mouth have a very different path to your eardrums. So, what you need are noise-generatingheadphones, i.e., regular olâ headphones blasting music cranked up so loud you literally canât hear anything elseânot even those plunger-being-used-in-desperation-as-the-water-rises-to-the-top-of-the-toilet-bowl sounds someone giving a blowjob makes when their work is almost done.
Beginning to think Iâm bad at sex. I try to be GGG. Any tips?
Sex isnât just about giving pleasure; itâs not just about being GGG for your partner. Itâs also about taking pleasure and giving your partner the opportunity to be GGG for you. So, figure out what it is you like and what you wantâsex acts or scenarios or dirty talk or materials that turn you onâand find someone who wants to give you those things, and take them.
Iâm a mid bi woman in her mid-30s a few years into an open/poly marriage to a man. Iâve fallen pretty hard for my girlfriend of six months. Iâve had relationships with women before getting married, but this one has me questioning if Iâd be happier as a fully-fledged lesbian. How do I work out if this is just NRE (new relationship energy), a specific connection with her, or actually a waning interest in men altogether?
Wanting to be with your new girlfriend all the timeâthatâs NRE for youâdoesnât mean youâd be happier as a lesbian, fully-fledged or otherwise. But it doesnât not mean that either. You wonât know how youâre going to feel until the NRE wears off, which it should soon.
My boyfriend doesn't want an open relationship and won't have sex with me. But he looks at Grindr and watches a lot of porn. What do I do?
âI love you, honey, and I can do a sexless relationshipâI mean, thatâs what weâve been doing for a while, so I can obviously do itâbut Iâm not going to lead a sexless existence. So, weâre either opening our relationship or weâre ending it. One or the other, your choice.â (My hunch is that your boyfriend has already opened things on his end, literally and figuratively. Guys donât get on Grindr for the recipes. So, itâs ultimatum time.)
Best advice for keeping sex hot in your late 40s, when youâre tired, you hurt, youâre crabby, and youâre bitter?
Realistic expectations, scheduled sex, pot edibles, E.D. meds, and erotic adventures planned months in advance (anticipation is a turn-on).
I have a vanilla boyfriend (of three years) and a Master (of three years). My boyfriend knows. My Master wants my boyfriend to start asking Himâto call and ask Himâfor His permission whenever my boyfriend wants to have sex with me, since Iâm His âproperty,â but I know my boyfriend wonât want to do this and will be angry that I asked. I love both, in very different ways, and I donât know what to do. (My Master uses He/Him pronouns, always uppercased. If you respond, please use uppercase He/Him in reference to my Master.)
Like your boyfriend, I am not your masterâs slave. So, you can uppercase his pronouns on his ordersâhis, his, hisâall you like, but you canât order me to uppercase his pronouns. Which I probably wouldâve done if you hadnât told me I must. (I usually capitalize âMasterâ and âMistressâ and âDom,â too, but Iâm making an exception for your master, as Iâm kind of annoyed.) Now, your boyfriend having to call and beg him (your master) when he (your boyfriend) wants to have sex with you (the person who annoyed me just now), that would be hot⌠if your boyfriend was into it⌠which heâs not. So, tell your master involving your boyfriend is a hard limit. And if your master canât respect that limit, end things with him. If you canât bear the thought and youâre willing to deceive both men in your life, well, you could buy a burner phone, impersonate your boyfriendâs voice, and pray you donât get caught.
How do I convince straight men that constantly pumping me full of vacuous, superficial compliments is not a substitution for a personality, a conversation, or flirting?
By refusing to fuck them, one vacuous, superficial, meaningless-compliment-spewing straight guy at a time. (That said, compliments > negging.)
Urban dictionary and most folks consider 'cocksucker' to be an insult. Most of us consider âmuffdiver,â on the other hand, to be a compliment. Is there a complimentary term for someone who sucks cock?
âHusband material.â
Do you owe your romantic partner 100% honesty about everything?
No.
Best advice for newlyweds?
See previous question.
My husband of more than 20 years once told me heâd prefer to be the one initiating all sexual contact between us. It was fine as long as I didnât think about it too much. Recently, I have begun to feel restrained by this and it has become a big problem for us. Is this a common hang-up for straight guys? Our sex life was really good for a long time, but I suddenly feel zero agency. He feels bad about it, too, but we canât seem to get past it. Your thoughts?
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