Iā€™m a solo polyamorous hetero-romantic pansexual cisgendered man. My serious romantic relationships have all been with cis women, but most of my sex partners are men. Since I bottom when I am with men, most people think I must be closeted or suffer from ā€œinternalized homophobia.ā€ This has caused tension with the women I date, ranging anywhere from women not wanting to be with me because they think I am ā€œliving a lieā€ to a recent situation where I was repeatedly ā€œoutedā€ by a bi female poly partner who told people (friends, random gay men) that I was ā€œinto guysā€ and ā€œbi.ā€

I asked her many times to stop, explaining that while those labels may be accurate when Iā€™m in a kink club or my doctorā€™s office, it is up to me to decide when to use them and with whom. And because I am hetero-romantic, I do not identify as pan or bi outside of those specific places. I think ā€œLGBTQā€ labels identify who one loves, whereas to me it is simply a description as the types of sex I enjoy. I had to end things with this woman over this and when I explained why she never admitted to doing anything wrong. While a part of me wants to just not tell women I date about my other partners, I know I canā€™t since my having sex with men who also have sex with men has health implications for my female partners.Ā How do I convince women that disclosing my sexual preferences without my consent is wrong? Ā How can men like me maintain our sexual privacy while responsibly disclosing relevant information to sex partners?

Pissed About Non-Necessary Erotic Disclosures

The first sentence of your letter is the most LGBTQ shit Iā€™ve ever read in my life...

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