1. What’s with all the caging in gay porn?

The appeal of male chastity devices seems obvious to me: a cock cage instantly turns the most important thing about a male porn performer into the least important thing. Paradoxically, male chastity devices pull visual focus toward a performer’s dick — they draw the eye — while shifting the focus of the action away from the performer’s dick. Gay guys into dirty talk enjoy saying things like, “I’m just a hole, Sir!”, but gay guys who wear male chastity device really commit to the bit. Also, quality male chastity devices — like the ones made by the evil geniuses at Steelwerks (www.steelwerksextreme.com) — aren’t cheap, so conspicuous consumption, consumer culture, and late-stage capitalism all factor in.

2. I’ve been having more sex ever since opening up my relationship. I had an experience with one of my hookups where I wasn’t able to stay hard and ever since then it keeps on happening. I feel like now I get so in my head worrying about if I’m hard or if I’m going to get hard that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you have any advice in how to get out of my head and stop worrying about being hard?

Taking ED meds — temporarily — can help boost your confidence and get you out of your head.

3. I am a sex-repulsed asexual. I would like to have a committed romantic relationship that does not involve sex. Committing to me means forgoing sex entirely, as the idea of my partner being sexual with others is repulsive to me. Am I obligated to disclose my asexuality? When I disclose these facts in advance, I am refused dates. When I wait until I have been dating someone for some months to disclose these facts, I face angry accusations of deceit.

If I asked a woman out on a date and spent months wining and dining her, that woman would make the perfectly reasonable assumption that I was interested in her romantically and sexually. And when she found out I wasn’t interested in her — when she learned I was leveraging her perfectly reasonable assumption (he’s into women) to get some other thing I wanted (her Netflix password) — she would have every right to be furious with me.

So, just as the overwhelming majority of men who date women are straight, the overwhelming majority of people seeking romantic partners are sexual. By failing to disclose your acute asexuality in advance (lifelong celibacy is a big ask), you’re weaponizing the reasonable assumptions others might make based on your actions to get what you want. And not only shouldn’t you do that, I don’t understand why you need to. The Internet exists and sex-repulsed asexuals can find other sex-repulsed asexuals online. If getting on a dating app for asexuals doesn’t appeal to you, get on Twitter or BlueSky or Threads and look for people complaining about sex scenes in movies and ask one of them out.

4. Is it safe to put numbing cream on your partner’s dick as part of D/s pleasure denial?

Number creams are safe to use on dicks — as are more torturous creams, like Ice Hot or BENGAY — but they’re not safe to use on holes, as a numb hole is an easily injured hole. So, if you put numbing cream on your sub’s dick, be sure to roll a condom over it before you slide that zombie dick into your ass or pussy.

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