Iâm an intelligent, open-minded mom of a 13-year-old boy. Recently, Iâve found out that my son entered into an online Dom/sub relationship where he asked his âMistressâ to give him degrading tasks like consuming his own semen. Of course, his âMistressâ asked him to âprove his loyaltyâ by providing her with money in the form of gift cards. This is how I found out about this relationship. My Amazon account was suddenly filled with gift card purchases for this person signed from âYour Slave.â I immediately contacted this âMistressâ and advised her that she was engaged in an inappropriate relationship with an eighth grader. This kid hasnât even had his first kiss, Dan, let alone a physical relationship with anyone. I donât want to shame his kinks, but Iâm also very concerned that this is far too advanced for a kid his age to even understand. Over the years, heâs had a fixation with womenâs feet and giant women stomping on small figures (all of this in anime/manga). Again, I really want him to grow up with healthy attitudes towards sex â but this is parenting at a whole new level. Is it possible for me to dial back this very adult behavior? Iâm overwhelmed already and puberty has just begun!
Mostly Understanding Mom
Oh, momma. You are in for an exhausting five years.
Youâre gonna need to remain vigilant â monitoring your sonâs online activities â while running gentle interference. You canât prevent your son from getting online, but you can put filters on his devices, regularly check his browser history, and regularly remind him that youâre regularly checking his browser history. The goal isnât to shame (not good) or rewire him (not possible), but to keep him safe from predators, scammers, and the kind of malicious sextortionists whoâve driven young people â particularly young boys â to suicide. The fact that your son likes following orders makes him particularly vulnerable to malicious actors who are tricking boys into sending them intimate pics and then blackmailing them with threats of sending their pics and videos to classmates and family members.
In addition to telling your son youâre monitoring his online activities to keep him safe, you should tell him that you understand that he thinks heâs ready⊠but heâs not. And anyone who would give him the time of day right now â much less dominate him â is by definition a terrible person who canât be trusted. (And anyone who demands money and/or gift cards from him is only interested in money.) Let him know there are good people out there who enjoy all the same things he does but the good ones â the people heâll be able to trust â wonât go near him until heâs an adult. So, for now heâll just have to content himself with fantasizing about his kinks and masturbating to his partâs content.
And if you can get him safely through high schoolâŠ
Your son can be a kinky adult and have a healthy attitude toward sex â those are not mutually exclusive phenomenon. The chief concern expressed to me by parents whoâve just learned their kid is kinky â when parents find the latex gloves or the diapers or the handcuffs â is that their kid will never find love. Pre-internet, being kinky complicated a personâs search for love; the kinky person had to meet people the normal way, e.g., at work, in bars, through friends, etc., and eventually disclose their kink. This often resulted in the kinky person getting dumped, being shamed and sometimes outed. Nowadays, kinky adults have the option of getting on kink dating and hookup sites and searching for partners who share their kinks. Dating and hookup apps have their downsides, for sure, but a lot of people have found the loves of their lives on them â and theyâve vastly improved relationship success rates for kinky adults.
P.S. Iâm sure MUM would love to hear from some readers who once were kinky young people and who are now healthy and functional kinky adults. What did your parents â if they found out about your kinks â say or do? What was helpful? What was harmful? Jump into the comments and share some advice with MUM.
P.P.S. You canât rewire your sonâs erotic imagination, MUM, nor should you waste time trying. People donât choose their kinks and canât be shamed out of them; and most healthy, functional kinky adults became aware â sometimes painfully aware â of their kinks at the onset of puberty. If all goes well, one day your adult son will tell his girlfriend(s) story of that time his mom found out heâd been sending gift cards to some fake Dom he met online and be able to laugh about it.
