For the longest time I’ve been into the feederism kink. It’s specifically the weight gain aspect of this kink — making myself or others bigger — that turns me on. I’ve always felt uneasy about this due to the health risks and have kept it hidden. I recently got a wonderful girlfriend, our relationship is great, and we have really great sex. She’s curvy but wants to lose weight. I also want to lose weight with her and for both of us to be healthy. But occasionally, I’m overcome with the urge to get into weight gain kink play. I told my girlfriend about my kink, and although she accepts it and accepts me, she doesn’t want to pursue anything related to it. When I feel the need to indulge in this fetish, I scratch the itch with strangers I meet online. I wish I could just turn this part of me off and enjoy the wonderful relationship that I have. Can a fetish like this be made to fade over time, or am I just going to try and focus on other things when these urges come on?

Can I Yuck My Own Yum?

For a kinkster, finding a romantic partner who shares your kink is wonderful but rare; finding a romantic partner who doesn’t share your kink but is willing to indulge you — finding someone who’s GGG (and being GGG for them in return) — is the next best thing. But people with truly niche kinks typically wind up in relationships with romantic partners who don’t share their kinks and are unwilling or unable to indulge them. Some kinks are too extreme for even the most GGG partner, and in some cases a kink — however mild — may be a libido killer or an emotional trigger for the vanilla partner. Someone who suffers from claustrophobia can’t spend the night in a bondage box, and someone with food issues won’t be able to indulge in feeder/gainer kink. (For the record, I’m not suggesting your partner has food issues just because she wants to lose a little weight.)

But unlike old soldiers, kinks don’t fade away, CIYMOY, and not unlike Alex Forrest, kinks will not be ignored. So, a kinky person — particularly a kinky person in a relationship with a vanilla partner who can’t or won’t go there — needs an outlet that allows them to explore their kinks in a safe and controlled manner. Without that outlet… without that allowance… sooner or later a kinkster will seize or engineer an opportunity to get their kink on, often with a disinhibiting assist from drugs and alcohol. Needless to say, clumsily seized/engineered opportunities have a much greater chance of blowing up lives and destroying relationships.

Seeing as your girlfriend already knows about your kink, she must know — she has to have assumed — you’re having a solo wank about it once in a while on your own time. If not getting to act out your fantasies IRL is the price of admission you’re willing to pay to be with her, CIYMOY, allowing you to explore your kinks with strangers on the Internet — allowing you to swap feeder/gainer images, stories, and memes with people you’re never going to meet IRL — should be a price she’ll happily pay to be with you. Ask her.

Read the rest of this week's column here!