1. Advice for a gay 28-year-old university professor who wants to cruise the apps in New York City while somehow avoiding his students?

 “There’s no easy solution to online dating in places where you might encounter students,” said a sexually active gay university prof who lives and fucks (and wishes to remain anonymous) in a big city. “I recommend only posting things you won’t be embarrassed about other adults seeing — don’t show your face in dick pics or post pics inside your apartment that could be compared to other non-xxx pics you’re sharing on social media — and be choosy about where you cruise. I recommend using Sniffies, which is more anonymous than Grindr or Scruff. And if you encounter a student on an app, either block them right away or have a brief exchange about privacy and respect, and then block them.”

P.S. Running into students can’t be avoided — running them through is a choice.

P.P.S. Keep screenshots of any interactions you have with students.

 2. How do I stop thinking about my toxic ex? Fucking other people hasn’t helped.

Let’s try a more optimistic framing: fucking other people hasn’t helped yet. Think of your ass as half full, not half empty.

 3. Reading anything interesting to distract yourself from the state of the world?

Just read and loved It’s Not the End of the World by Jonathan Parks-Ramage; currently reading and loving The Payback by Kashana Cauley, and preparing to re-read and re-love All Things Are Too Small: Essays in Praise of Excess by Becca Rothfeld.

 4. What’s the best way to end a situationship?

Ask yourself how you would want a situationship to end, and then ask yourself if you’re an outlier — if you can honestly say you would prefer to be ghosted, you’re definitely an outlier — and then, if you’re not an outlier, treat your situationship the way you would want your situationship to treat you.

 5. I got into blackmailing as a kink when I was a teenager. I found someone online and gave “her” my name and compromising photos. She would threaten to make them public if I didn’t do what she told me, which was mostly send more blackmail material: JO vids in which I showed my face and my ID (driver’s license, student ID). I was 18 when it started (no laws were broken), and I’m almost 30 now. I went silent on them and stopped hearing from them a decade ago. But I worry the videos (more than a hundred) are still out there. What do I do?

Grow a mustache, change your name, get a face tattoo — what can you do?

P.S. Not everyone who pretends to be a monster on the Internet is actually a monster IRL. For all you know, you got lucky and found someone to blackmail you (or pretend to blackmail you) who was a fairly decent person. Seeing as they didn’t follow through on the threat to make your videos public when you went silent on them, my money is on “fairly decent person making idle threats.”

P.P.S. Hard drives crash, people drop dead, democracies collapse — a lot can happen in a dozen years — and even if the person who was blackmailing you (at your request) was a malicious asshole who had it in them to destroy your life, it’s entirely possible those videos no longer exist and/or that person no longer exists.

 6. Everyone I’ve ever been with has cheated on me, and now I’m not sure what to do?

Adjust your expectations?

7. My wife is bi, and we’re going to have a threesome with another woman. Sign me up! I am also bisexual and would like to have a threesome with another man. She says that will never happen because it wouldn’t turn her on to see me with another man. Is this a double standard?

Read the rest of this week's column here! And this week on the Lovecast: A gay man is being bothered to distraction by his straight pal who teases and dominates him. They work together. Driven wild by lust, the caller worries that if he acknowledges the dynamic and shares his feelings, all will be lost.

On the Magnum, the dog ate her vibrator. You heard that right. The dog ate her vibrator and broke it. It ran on batteries and had more settings than she needed anyway. What should she replace it with? We bring on our star, beloved cartoonist/sex toy reviewer Erika Moen to advise. LISTEN HERE!