The fact that I’m in an LTR with a partner who knows I’m bi, is fine with me exploring with other guys, allows to me seeing professional dominants, and has experimented with me over the course of our relationship is probably all down to what I have learned reading your column and listening to your podcast, Dan.

Given all the other things I’ve indulged in, chastity play would seem like a pretty simple one to cross off, except for one thing: my anatomy. When I was an infant, I had an undescended testicle that needed to be operated on. Neither of my balls hang particularly low and they can very easily withdraw back into my body; one of them is also quite small. I am also a “grower” whose cock goes from very small to pretty big. Because my balls can be tight to my body, I can’t find a chastity device I can use. Cock cages are held in place by rings behind the balls but are painful for me to wear and sometimes my smaller ball pops out of it, which is painful. And because my soft cock is small, it’s easy to “slip out.” The pro Dom I see did manage to get me in a cage once, but I couldn’t safely wear it for twenty minutes or so due to how much it hurt. I’ve purchased a CB6000, which wasn’t comfortable, and then bought some other models from different companies without any luck. I’m reluctant to keep spending money on cages in the hopes that maybe one will fit me. They’re expensive, Dan, and they’re not things a guy can return! Do you have ideas or suggestions? Or do I just have to accept that my cock wasn’t built to be locked up?

Lusting Over Caging Kick

“I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this exact same story,” said Christopher Miers at Steelwerks. “Only a small percentage of guys have a ball that didn’t drop, but it’s not as uncommon as some would think. Your reader definitely shouldn’t give up on a chastity lifestyle as there is always a solution!”

Miers has been designing and making custom stainless steel and titanium cock cages for a quarter of a century, LOCK, and he’s yet to encounter a cock that couldn’t be locked up.

“We work very closely with our clients to ensure all needs are met so our clients can have a comfortable life locked,” said Miers. “And we’ve made plenty of cages for men who can’t find the perfect fit in a mass-produced cage. I don’t want to get into all of these devices — however, regarding your reader’s specific issue with the CB6000, it has a very wide and thick cock ring, which causes almost all users discomfort.”

Unlike mass-produced cages (which work great for many men), each male chastity device Steelwerks sells is made by hand and fitted to each individual client’s junk — they don’t call Steelwerks cages the Rolls Royce of male chastity devices for nothing — and they’re consequently expensive. But if you keep buying mass-produced cock cages in the hopes of finding one that fits, LOCK, eventually you’re going to have spent more money on cock cages you can’t wear (or return) than you would’ve spent on one that was designed for your body.

“The first thing we tell clients is to come to Montreal or meet us at a kink event and get measured in person,” said Miers. “And it’s not always just the cock ring that’s a problem. The scrotal gap — the distance between the cage and the cock ring that anchors it to the body— as well as cage length and diameter all play into a cage fitting properly. The material the cage is made of, as well as its finish can also be a factor, as they affect how the body moves within the device and how your skin reacts to it.”

Steelwerks also makes male chastity devices that don’t have cock rings at their base — cages that just enclose the head and shaft — but to wear one of those, LOCK, you’re gonna have to do more than just open your wallet.

“We refer to these cages as ‘minimalist devices,’” said Miers. “They don’t have a cock ring — but they do require an established cock piercing. Our most popular minimalist cage is the Schandmaske. It’s a cage that completely covers the head of the cock and a portion of the shaft. While the Schandmaske does allow for a partial erection, it gives you the feeling of being under strict control and it’s invisible under most attire.”

Lots of guys who don’t have your issues — showers with low-hanging balls who can comfortably wear cages anchored around their balls with cock rings — find they can slip out of various chastity devices; some of these guys choose to get their cocks pierced, as for many it’s the quickest way to take chastity from symbolic play (they wear the cage to remind themselves they’re not supposed to touch their cocks) to actual chastity (the cage prevents them from touching their cocks).

“But my experience has taught me that a well-fitted cage can prevent slipping out in ‘growers’ and ‘showers’ alike,” said Miers, “so it’s possible to securely wear a chastity cage without being pierced. So, if a piercing isn’t for LOCK, he shouldn’t be discouraged. While lots of cages are mass produced these days — unfortunately — there are still a few custom companies out there. And while a custom cage may be more expensive, you’re likelier to enjoy long-term chastity success with a custom product.”

To learn more about Steelwerks — and to see their products in action — follow Steelwerks on Instagram or visit their website.

I have a problem. I am a straight male. My smart, funny, beautiful one-year-younger-than-me sister has been my best friend for my whole life. We were even roommates at one point. She is straight, also. Each of us has had romantic relationships. She is my only sibling. When my sister was 14, she showed me her bare breasts because she was proud of them. She asked me if I wanted to touch them. I did touch them. But then I got totally weirded out. She apologized profusely, put her shirt back on, and nothing like that ever happened between us again. Ten years later, out of the blue, she brought up the incident, and she apologized once more.

Then I admitted to her that over all the years since that happened, I have hoped she would do the same thing again. She was shocked. I apologized, or at least I tried to. She did not say anything. She just got up and walked out. I did not hear from her again for more than a week. That was six months ago, and ever since it has just been awkward and weird between us. I want to fix this, but I don’t know how. Please help.

Missing My Best Friend

Some beds can’t be un-shat, some pooches can’t be un-screwed, some palms can’t be un-faced. The best you can do here is lie and lie convincingly: “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t know what to say, and I said the wrong thing. I don’t even know why I said that. I wasn’t traumatized by what you did — what we did — when we were kids. I just felt awkward about it. And when you brought it up to apologize — which you didn’t need to do — the most awkward possible thing came out of my mouth. Now I’m apologizing profusely for the dumb thing I said. I hope we can both forgive each other and stuff this all back down the memory hole where it belongs.”

P.S. It might work, it might not work — like I said, some beds can’t be un-shat, etc. Your sister probably spent the last ten years thinking you had a great relationship despite what she did in a moment of teen-brain, hormone-addled temporary insanity. Now she probably thinks you were in the next room jerking off thinking about her when you lived together, MMBF, and that you were her best friend because you wanted to touch her breasts again, not despite the fact that you once had.

Read the rest of this week's column here! And this week on the Lovecast: A straight man loves the idea of seeing a naked woman walking around her house. He wonders if others would love to see him naked, you know, just kickin’ it at home.

On the Magnum, let the swooning begin! Actor Ben Palacios from Palm Royale is charming, talented and easy on the eyes. He relays his tales of kissing Ricky Martin, and making a fool of himself in front of Carol Burnett. Dan and Ben share their first boyfriend experiences, and advise a straight couple who are arguing over the man’s ball scratching habit. Also, should a straight man take poppers before his proctology exam? LISTEN HERE!