I have dilemma. I’m a married man, my wife and I have been together 20 years total, and our sex life is beginning to get kind of dull. Recently she told me she would like to have a FFM threesome. Our problem is finding another F. She said she would never do it with a friend—we don’t think any of her friends would do it anyway—so I suggested dating sites since neither of us knows any bisexual women. My question to you is this: Would it be better if she made the profile on some dating sites or should I do it? She told me to do it because she’s too shy to do it herself. I just think it would look better if she did it. What is your opinion on finding a third?
Harder Than I Thought
Dilemma? Put up two profiles, HTIT, one for you and one as her. Then wait and see which one gets more responses. (My money’s on the one you put up as her.) As for my opinion on a married straight couple finding a third: they don’t call bi women up for NSA sex with established/long-married opposite-sex couples “unicorns” for nothing. (The gay version—gay guys up for NSA sex with established gay couples—are called “horses.” Still majestic, yes, but easier to find.) But if you’re in a hurry, HTIT, you’ll have better luck going with a sex worker. (There some advice on finding a sex worker in this column.)
A few more letters… after the jump.
I am a 30 yo F and have recently started dating a guy. He is 40, was a cop, now a security guard. We met on Tinder, and I had no intention of anything serious coming out of it. My parents were coming into town and I wasn’t able to get together for a few weeks. Within those two weeks, he received his SECOND DUI, and now he cannot drive. He wants to hang out all the time, but to make that happen, that means I am basically his chauffeur—I drop him off at work, I pick him up—it’s like having a big child I cart around. Besides not having a license issue, he has already cheated on me. It is kind of funny. two days before he hooked up with some woman from Tinder, he told me he wanted only me, wanted to be exclusive. I had a feeling something was not right, so I looked thru is phone, and saw that he was meeting a woman that Friday to go out and fuck. I confronted him after, and he said that it just made him want me more, error in judgment and that he would not go on Tinder anymore yadda yadda. He is STILL on Tinder, and sends and receives dirty messages from women.
After writing this out, I see that I really am being a complete idiot by sticking with him. Oh, and he is also an alcoholic and is completely broke. And we do not have sex very often because he cannot keep a hard on for long enough. I think I may have answered my own question. I need to get out of this relationship. You would
dump him, right?Sorry For Rambling
This statement is factually incorrect: “You would dump him.” No, no, no: I would’ve dumped him a long, long time ago. My advice: send your trainwreck boyfriend a backdated letter that officially dumps him the day before you met. You won’t get the time you’ve wasted on him back, TAL, but you may retrieve a tiny shred of your dignity.
My boyfriend and I are a straight couple in our late thirties who have been together for just over a year and a half now. He considers himself GGG, and is extremely giving in bed, and I try to be as well. I’ve tried asking him what turns him on, if he has any fantasies, but he always gets extremely uncomfortable and changes the subject whenever the talk turns to him. The most I’ve ever been able to get out of him is that he’s turned on seeing me turned on.
Recently, when I was at his place, I asked if I could use his laptop (he set up my own login and password for me, but it wasn’t working). When he wouldn’t let me, I thought it was a bit strange, and then it dawned on me for the first time why he gave me my own login and password: because there was something he didn’t want me to find.
My first thought was that there was someone else (since he knows I have no problem with porn whatsoever). He reassured me that there is nobody else, but admitted he didn’t want me finding his browser history and the porn sites he visits. I prodded a little bit more, and he told me it is something he feels ashamed about, that he still feels very timid and ashamed about his sexuality, mostly due to his Catholic upbringing, as well as having leftover insecurities from being the nerd in high school (though he is incredibly hot, as well as brilliant, funny, and very kind-hearted).
We’re planning on moving in together soon, and while I don’t believe that couples need to share everything with each other, I can’t help wondering now if he has a fetish or something he’s really into that he’s been hiding from me, if it’s something other than garden variety porn that he’s into. How can I make him feel more comfortable opening up to me, telling me what he likes, and get more confidence sexually? I love him and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes, but would appreciate some advice on how to get there.
No Clever Acronym Today
He’s hiding something from you. And while couples don’t have to share everything with each other, NCAT, and while partnered people are still individuals and entitled to a zone of privacy (including private fantasies they don’t wish to act on or have realized), the time to figure out whether your boyfriend is, say, a pedophile (worst-case scenario) is… you know… before moving in your with your boyfriend. Insist that he open up to you about his sexual interests before signing that lease.
I’m a 20-year-old guy. I live with my boyfriend of four months. He’s an amazing guy and later this summer I plan on asking him to marry me. The only problem is that I am very very attracted to other guys and the idea of cheating on my boyfriend is very enticing to me. Before we met I was a bit of a slut. I was hurt bad by my last ex and decided to have fun and I wound up fucking a lot of guys. Eleven in 5 months, not counting repeats, oral, or anything other then sex. That other number is unknown.
An open relationship might be a better idea. We talked about it. We even hung out with another couple for sex but at the last minute I was not comfortable about him being with others. So for now we are exclusive but I’ve been checking out a lot of other guys. I’m not sure what to do. I want to fuck all the hot guys I see. It’s like I wanna have the fun of being single but I want to be able to come home to him every night.
Wondering Eyes
You can fuck all the hot guys you see—provided all those hot guys wanna fuck you—and go home to your boyfriend every night, WE, but first you’ll have to hammer out an agreement about opening up your relationship. And unless your boyfriend is a budding gay cuckold (like this guy), i.e. excited about the idea of you fucking other guys without being allowed to fuck other guys himself, you’ll have to get comfortable with the idea of your boyfriend “being with others.”
Also: do not propose to your boyfriend—twenty is too young (for marriage), four months is too soon (for marriage), and the unresolved issue of your wandering eye/jealousy streak is too huge (for any sort of commitment).
