“Hello I would like some advice on how to stick a metal rod up my boyfriend’s dick…”
Dan Savage: “OK, here are some helpful pointers!”
“Hi Dan! I want my girlfriend to fist me with one of those toy Hulk hands, what lube should I use?”
Dan Savage: “Be sure not to use oil-based lube as it will damage your toy Hulk hand!”
“Dan, I would like my girlfriend to be bukkake’d by 50 homeless guys in the subway. How do I bring this up with her?”
Dan Savage: “Communicate to her how you would love to see her covered in the jizz of multiple men and see where it goes!”
“Hi Dan, my girlfriend gave me a blowjob while I was on the toilet, cool huh?”
Dan Savage: YOU ARE HISTORY’S GREATEST MONSTER!
Really… THAT is where you draw the line??
Still Love You Though
Sigh.
I don’t have a problem with people giving other people blowjobs—wherever they happen to be—and I didn’t describe Mike In Portland OR as the history’s greatest monster. I merely pointed out that blumkins—as a concept/meme—are discussed, joked about, and defined in a manner that is, by any honest reading, objectively sexist.
Because, once again, a blumkin isn’t a blowjob given to a nice man who just so happens to be sitting on a toilet. That’s a blowjob. To qualify as a blumkin the blowjob must be performed by “your woman” while you’re “taking a very stinky shit.” It’s a different thing entirely.
And while I have given helpful pointers to a woman who wanted to stick a metal rod up her husband’s dick—something he wanted to experience—I’ve never taken a position on toy-Hulk-hand fisting sessions or homeless-gangbang-facial-bukkake-mass-transit scenes. And I would probably draw the line south of both (that means before both, right?)—because God only knows what those Hulk hands are made of, SLYT, and a crowded subway bukkake scene would annoy, inconvenience, or trigger other passengers.
Sorry about another blumkin post, Slog, but I’m dying of a cold and decided to respond the first email in the ol’ inbox. And this was it.
