We’re in for another rainy week, you guys! But that’s okay, because God made the rain so that the flowers, erections, and plants can grow and… what? Wait… did I say “erections”? Of course I didn’t! That would be… c’mon, that would be gross, man. “Erections growing in the rain.” Pssshht! I mean… sure, I love the feeling of a fresh spring rain running down my frenulum… who doesn’t? But “rain” causing “erections” to “grow”? That’s impossible.

Right?

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Pj4q_t-soZI%26hl%3Den_US%26fs%3D1%26

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)