A lot of you guys have been challenging the Mercury to a wheelbarrow race. Look—if we accepted all of your challenges, we wouldn’t have to time to compete in other sports such as the egg toss, and the “drink a beer, run to the end of the yard, put your forehead on the end of a baseball bat, spin around three times and then stagger back to the finish line” race. And potato sackin’. And the three-legged race.
BESIDES! If your wheelbarrow team were to take on the Mercury wheelbarrow team? WE WOULD BREAK YOUR ASS IN HALF. Mostly because of our newest members, immediately drafted after we saw them in this video.

SAH-WEET WHEELBARROW MOVE, BROS. See ya at practice on Saturday.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=XvASnyOy5B4%26hl%3Den_US%26fs%3D1%26

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)