Google just announced they're launching a new feature that will "help users prevent themselves from sending inappropriate emails when drunk." It's called Mail Goggles, and it works by forcing the user to answer a series of math problems before an email will be sent. Thus, you will be saved much embarrassment if you're too hammered to:

a) Do math problems
b) Find and/or operate a calculator
c) See the math problems and/or numbers on the calculator
d) Remember what math is

Now if only someone would invent Text Goggles. I can't tell you how many times I've been woken up in the middle of the night to texts like these:

• I'm drunk and want to state that I would like to talk to Craig Kilborn about ESPN and Prince.

• I will play Culture Club and I will be proud.

• You cannot underestimate the brilliance of Little Red Corvette.

• If being drunk was a bad sitcom I am mother fucking Three's Company.

Walking on Sunshine... best song ever.

• Near death... no Taco Bell in sight... Head on the Door is the greatest Cure song ever.

• I am drunk and I am playing the jukebox and I am in love with my cats and I love ham.

Actually, all those are pretty priceless. Nevermind. Don't invent Text Goggles. Just remind me to turn my cell phone off at night.