The Weed Issue 2019
The stoner film has come a long way. Nothing against Cheech & Chong—Tommy Chong played an excellent (and sexy!) singing pineapple on this season of The Masked Singer—but we’ve moved away from the stoner trope of two dudes smoking weed while driving around in their car. (Which you shouldn’t do! It’s dangerous! You’ll get a DUI, dum-dums!)
A new vibe of stoner entertainment is emerging—witness the rise of Broad City, High Maintenance, and basically every TV show created on Viceland. And now, most importantly, the Portland Mercury and Oregon’s Finest present SPLIFF, your new favorite film festival created by the stoned, for the stoned.
We received short films (four minutes and 20 seconds or less!) from all around the world. Our inaugural lineup is hilarious, weird, sexy, trippy, and unlike any stoner films you’ve seen before. There are spaceships, Rihanna-inspired blunt tutorials, dancing boobs, Australians, puppets, ASMR candy sandwiches... I could go on and on, but I know you’ve got questions, so let’s get to it.
Should I show up stoned?
Absolutely, if that’s the sort of thing you’re into. Unfortunately, because of LAWS, you can’t smoke inside the theater, and you’re not supposed to smoke outside of it, either.
Are the films going to freak me out? What if I get too stoned?
There are definitely some trippy films, even some scary films, but nothing that should send you into a panic attack.
Any recommendations on dosing?
I recommend taking an edible of your liking before coming to the theater (again, don’t drive while high—use public transportation or rideshares), that way the high hits right as the festival starts. The whole thing is around an hour and a half long, which is perfect for an edible dosage. I recommend getting a little more stoned than you think you should, but not so stoned you accidentally pee your pants. Also, not so stoned that you can’t vote at the end to help us decide who should win the MOTHERFUCKIN’ CASH.
Wait, what cash???
There are prizes! For the filmmakers! Just like at our amateur-porn festival HUMP!, you will vote by secret ballot on which films should receive the cash. The “trippiest” film gets $2,000, the “funniest” film gets $2,000, the “stupidest” film gets $2,000, and the “best in show” gets $5,000!
When the fuck is it and how do I get tickets?
If you’re over 21, you have two shows to choose from on April 20: 6 pm and 8:30 p.m The fest is brought to you by Clone-A-Willy, Journeyman edibles, MindRite dispensary, Quesada custom watches, Potato Champion, and ILO DabTabs. Tickets are available at SpliffFilmFest.com. Grab them now—they’re selling out!
What can I expect to see?
Glad you asked! Besides being entertained by your host DAN SAVAGE, here are all the films that made the cut for SPLIFF 2019:
In this mid-1990s PSA, Billy and Charlie learn the hard way that even a single puff of cannabis will turn you into a crazy, violent pervert. Not one puff ever!
Flaming blunts, raging bowls, hot dabs—this is the sexiest smoke porn you’ve ever seen.
A frog eats too many gummies. Or does he?
An expert stoner finds the ultimate high. Beware the devil’s lettuce.
A magical trip to the bodega thanks to some green.
Bibbel the Dwarf Dwarf
One person. One peanut. One backyard. Only one can win.
An instructional video on how to roll a magical “Bitch Better Have My Money” blunt, in the style of Rihanna’s famous Fenty Beauty makeup tutorials.
A Dada-inspired visual and aural collage made up of disembodied heads, colorful circles, and ominous eyes.
So what if your new houseguest has a tiny green face, a cute little astronaut helmet, and a motherfucking spaceship? He’s definitely NOT AN ALIEN. He’s just Grandpa Joe!
A dealer must go deep into the woods to deliver the goods. But at the end of his journey is a hit that might be too intense for him to handle.
Harsh Tokes & Bong Jokes
A punk-rock love letter to growing up, smoking weed at beaches, late-night parties, learning how to kiss, and how you shouldn’t mix liquor and weed.
Good Game Bud
Two dudes, a couch, and one game of spliff Jenga.
When Olivia’s date takes a turn for the mediocre, she gets stoned and ends up trapped in the reality of online dating.
A spaced-out, bizarre ode to hands.
He’s Kevin, and he’s got something to proclaim.
ASMR crafting with Sayuri and Gabby La La. Watch them make a fancy sandwich!
The Girl Who Couldn’t...
A mockumentary trailer about a girl who is struck with a tragic disorder and the devastating impact it has on those closest to her.
Switch Hitter Haze
Wyatt has a crush on his roommate Connor, who is very cute and very straight. When their dealer brings over a mysterious strain of weed, things that were fixed become fluid—and none of them will ever be the same.
A bag of Doritos and some Oreos commiserate over all the friends they’ve lost to late-night snacking when... oh no! Run! Get out of the cupboard while you still can! The stoner has the munchies again!
Weed Art Process
This is the story of a magic seed. Through pure art, the seed frees the power of imagination.
Bagel Bite Fright Night
Stoned and alone, two women get caught in a ’90s slasher nightmare when they experience a home invasion by a slew of celebrity sex offenders. Or do they?
Sometimes boobs have minds of their own.
You Wanna Order Pizza?
Two epically stoned Australians attempt to order a pizza. If only they could order pizza with their minds! Oh wait... can they?
In this adorable stop-motion animation film, joints do yoga, thrash to heavy-metal music, and fuck in the afternoon. A candid look at how cannabis is part of day-to-day life for the residents of Joint Heights.