Too often, we never know if this particular tour is gonna be our favorite aging musician’s last one ever. (We learned the hard way with Prince and Tom Petty.) Which is why it’s incredibly helpful that legendary New York songwriter Paul Simon has kindly informed us this current jaunt will be his farewell tour. This is the guy who wrote “The Boxer,” “Graceland,” and “Slip Slidin’ Away,” and this is your last chance, Portland. NED LANNAMANN
8 pm, Moda Center, $47.50-157, all ages
Laura Veirs, The Hackles
One of Portland’s most beloved (and long-lasting) folk-pop artists, Laura Veirs, is back to charm the pants off of us with her newest solo album, The Lookout. Influenced—but not overwhelmed—by our current, chaotic times, The Lookout makes a strong case for self-protection and especially protecting others. The songs are gorgeous, warm, and just the thing to soften up your crusty shell for a bit—so self-protect yourself and listen to Laura sing these soon-to-be classics live! WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $20
The Royal Wedding LIVE with Cord and Tish
Unlike America, whose nominal leaders are literally the tackiest motherfuckers on the entire planet, England has assloads of CLASS. And they’re gonna rub it in all of our faces with the Royal Wedding, in which Prince Harry will wed Meghan Markle and Windsor Castle will get LIT. Obviously, the best way to experience this international spectacle will be via HBO, where Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon—as their hilarious characters Cord Hosenbeck and Tish Cattigan—will be live-hosting the whole thing. I assume the Queen asked them to? Anyway, heads up, this shit really is live, which means it starts at 4:30 am. ERIK HENRIKSEN
4:30 am, HBO
La Luz, Savila
Although the band was formed in Seattle, La Luz never sounded like they belonged in the Pacific Northwest. The garage-pop four-piece’s reverb-heavy music felt far too laid-back and dreamy to have emerged from the damp climes of the Emerald City. Perhaps heeding the sonic call that came from within their first two full-lengths (2013’s It’s Alive and 2015’s Weirdo Shrine), the group picked up stakes and relocated to Southern California, where they concocted their latest and greatest album, Floating Features. The new environs have inspired principal songwriter Shana Cleveland to dig deeper into the essential building blocks of her group’s aesthetic. Cleveland reveals the impact of La Luz’s new ZIP code within her lyrics—there’s plenty of giddy romanticism, a few pangs of regret, and some discomforting memories of recent nightmares. But the core of the album is found in “California Finally,” a sigh of relief delighting in “one endless summer after another” and finding the peace to do what she wants, at her own unhurried pace. Sounds damn enticing. Who knew dreams still came true in Los Angeles? ROBERT HAM
9 pm, Aladdin Theater, $15
The Posies, Terra Lightfoot
For a brief spell in the early ’90s, Seattle’s Posies must have felt on top of the world. In between cutting their own records, Jon Auer and Ken Stringfellow—the band’s core creative force—had one of their songs covered by Ringo Starr and played alongside Alex Chilton and Jody Stephens in the reformed Big Star. The Posies’ 1993 album, Frosting on the Beater, is one of the best rock albums to come out of the Pacific Northwest. Highlights like the micro-hit “Dream All Day” and the dizzyingly gorgeous “Solar Sister” embraced grunge’s timbres but eschewed its nihilistic glorification of incompetence. The result is an album that almost sounds like it’s playing dumb; soaring, Brian May-inspired guitar solos and magisterial vocal harmonies are buried beneath layers of fuzz. Though Frosting on the Beater was something of a breakthrough, the Posies have since gone the way of their idols, Big Star—a “secret handshake” band championed by wizened indie rockers and pasty power-pop cultists. But unlike Big Star, the Posies still make great records—in particular, 2010’s Blood/Candy, which saw the band return to the bouncy Hollies worship of their earliest material. MORGAN TROPER
9 pm, Doug Fir, $22-25
Oregon Tradeswomen's 26th Annual Career Fair
Whether you’re a budding or established tradeswoman or a recruiter interested in equity, the 26th annual Oregon Tradeswomen Career Fair is the place to be. Offerings include seminars, networking opportunities, workshops, and an app to navigate it all. Past workshops include Climb a Utility Pole, Wire a Light and Switch, and more. Head to tradeswomen.net for more info EMILLY PRADO
9 am, NECA-IBEW Electrical Training Center, free
Sam Coomes, Lori Goldston, Paper Gates
With nothing more than his trusty vintage organ, mid-’60s rhythm box, and restless vocal attack, Portland indie rock fixture Sam Coomes twists up off-kilter-yet-groovy experimental pop that springs to life like a circuit breaker being magically flipped on at some long-abandoned carnival midway.
9 pm, The Fixin' To, $8
Alela Diane, Mariee Sioux
Alela Diane’s new album Cusp is, first and foremost, about her experience becoming a mother, and perhaps more indirectly about the way that identity has intersected with her preexisting identity as a musician. Since her 2006 debut, The Pirate’s Gospel, the Portland singer/songwriter’s records have cataloged different chapters of life, with incisive lyrics that often source metaphors from the natural world, rootsy acoustic guitar melodies, and Diane’s powerful, magnetic voice. CIARA DOLAN
8 pm, The Old Church, $15, all ages
Pepper + Bones Presents: Burlesque & Variety Show
Pepper and Bones' sprawling cabaret extravaganza returns to the Funhouse Lounge, with perfromances from Hai Fleisch, Honeydew La Roux, and Babs Jamboree. Hosted and produced by Wanda Bones and Dee Dee Pepper.
10 pm, Funhouse Lounge, $15
Dave Attell & Jeff Ross
Two of the comedy's biggest names join forces for the "Bumping Mics" tour, giving you two chances to catch the host of Insomniac and the “The Roastmaster General” on stage together at Revolution Hall for what's sure to be a no holds barred event.
7 pm & 10:30 pm, Revolution Hall, $42.50
Yonatan Gat, Abronia
My first experience with Israeli-born guitarist Yonatan Gat was about a decade ago with his now-defunct maniacal punk band Monotonix. While vocalist Ami Shalev was typically the center of attention—scaling walls, using audience members as tackle dummies—it was hard not to be mesmerized by Gat, who had a Jimmy Page-esque flair about him. He's an incredible guitarist, but even if he only knew three chords, he'd still wield that guitar like a rock 'n' roll weapon. Gat now performs under his own name, recruiting musicians of equal ability and blowing audiences away. If there's a guitar god for the new millennium, it's Yonatan. So help me Gat. MARK LORE
9:30 pm, Bunk Bar, $12-14
Match Cut Movie Club
Normally, the Match Cut Movie Club is just a one-shot mystery box: you buy a ticket, and you get surprised with a cinematic classic, be it American Graffiti, Lone Star, or The Birds, for example. But this time, Hotel deLuxe is making a whole damn day out of it, with a six film, 13-hour marathon that begins with some Saturday Morning Cartoons before sprinkling in vintage commercials and mini-documentaries between four all-ages-appropriate features and two for-the-grown-ups-only movies. RSVP at matchcutmovieclub.com
10am, Hotel deLuxe, $20, all ages
Portland Timbers vs. Los Angeles FC
Mexican international star Carlos Vela and the rest of the newly-minted Los Angeles side make their way to Providence Park for the team's first-ever meeting with the Timbers.
noon, Providence Park, $29.50-165, all ages
Slay is a hip-hop party for LGBT, minorities, and open minded people, providing yet another safe space to twerk, blow off steam, and be yourself in our little sanctuary city. JENNI MOORE
9 pm, Holocene, $10
Save the date and break out your nice dress or fancy slacks, because Portland's Prom is returning for its 9th year, featuring a professional photo booth by DAbooth, music from Chanti Darling, Just People, The Adio Sequence, Worth+Marcott, and DJ Demetri, and plenty of punch served up in a lavish setting.
8 pm, Star Theater, $15-20
Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!