If you noticed a distinct drop in libido after your kids were born, you are most certainly not alone. Turning your focus away from each other and to your child is a natural reaction—but the sacrifice is often a healthy sexual relationship. Take heart! There are ways to get your sex life back on track.
Intimacy—touching, cuddling, kissing—needs to be a daily routine... whether you’re having sex or not. Intimacy also means communication. Get over feeling ashamed about your lousy sex life and talk with your partner about ways to get back in the saddle.
PRIME THE PUMP
Everybody needs a libido jump-start now and then. If you’re not into porn, check out some sexy TV shows, podcasts, movies, or hot romance novels.
SET A SEX SCHEDULE
The days of making love “whenever” are over. Accept it, and schedule time to have sex. (Lots of parents plan theirs during junior’s naptime.) Stick to the schedule, and manage your expectations. If you’re afraid of being interrupted, well...
Sneak off to the laundry room, a closet, shower, or patio for quickies. Do whatever it takes, and commit to enjoying yourself and your partner.
LEARN WHAT YOU WANT
Many parents find that communicating about sex opens up doors to new experiences, wants, and maybe even fetishes. Discover what you like (see “Prime the Pump” above) and say what you want. (And be generous with your partner’s wants as well.)
TAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF
So much importance is placed on sex, it can make you feel ashamed if you think you’re not doing it enough. Forget that. Your life has been upended by your kid, so allow yourself time to turn it back around. But start today, because you deserve all the good things in life—including sex.