Parent to Parent
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âHelp! My Sonâs a Lazy Bum!â
The Sexy Sexless Parent
Bedroom Death? Here are Six Tips to Put You Back on the Road to Sexy Town.
You Worry Too Much!
Competitive Sports; Non-Competitive Kids
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True Book Reviews
Raising Boys and Girls: There Is a Difference
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The Journey to âOhana
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Dangerous Parenting
My Kid, the Pantywaist
On any given Saturday, the local parks are teeming with kids playing soccer and parents encouraging them to be more aggressiveâwith some children being more successful than others. You see it especially in younger players: those âdaisy pickersâ who hang around in the backfield chatting with teammates or staring off into another dimension as an exciting game goes on around them. Youâve probably also seen their parents standing on the sidelines, clawing their eyes out and begging their kid to âget in the game.â
Agreed, itâs totally frustrating. Parents spend a lot of money and time on soccer, so itâs a natural inclination to want your child to succeed and win. But is having a child whoâs a lollygagger really something to worry about? Only if the kid isnât having a good time. Itâs always worth it to check in occasionally and make sure your child is enjoying their chosen sportâbecause if they arenât, stop wasting their time and yours.
However, if they are enjoying themselves, and still refuse to âget aggressiveâ on the field, then there may be some questions to ask yourself. Letâs start with looking at the age of the child. Playing competitively isnât necessarily a talent most people are born with. Younger children (especially those between six and eight) may not be developmentally ready, while others simply havenât learned how to be competitive. In fact, to them it might even seem counterintuitive. Think about what youâve been telling them their entire lives: âDonât be so rough!â âDonât steal!â âStop and think before you act!â Yet thatâs exactly what weâre suddenly asking them to do on the fieldâto get in there and engage with other players, take the ball, and to do it spontaneously. No wonder they donât take to it immediately.
Another question to ask yourself is, âAm I bringing my own baggage into this situation?â Is part of your frustration springing from the hard work youâve done to be a more competitive, assertive person? Itâs great to want them to succeed like you didâbut you also didnât get there overnight. Trust that theyâll get there eventually, just like you did. Yelling and shaming from the sidelines will probably have the opposite effect. Just like adults, kids can get nervous before a game, and correcting them loudly in front of their teammates could be inspiring them to focus on failure, rather than engaging in a fun way with their opponent.
So what can you do? One, trust your kidâs coach. They have specific drills to pull your kid out of her shell and become more competitive. Secondly, and just as important, get out the ball and play with your child. Talk about the difference between slugging her sister and engaging physically in a safe way with someone on the field. Let her bump you out of the way and steal the ballâin a controlled manner. Congratulate them on what theyâre doing right, and gently encourage them to play smartâwhich, yes, sometimes means holding back and being patient. Thatâs engagement, too.
Lastly, be patient. Learning to engage and feel comfortable while playing sports is a muscle that needs to be developedâand it takes time. Many children who were originally picking daisies often bloom into some of the better players on the team if given enough time and the right type of encouragement. So stop worryingâyour kid will get there. And she may even have a lot more fun along the way. Â