The holidays are full of fun, excitement, andโoh, rightโlots of stress and very personal family traditions. It all adds up to a potential minefield if youโre part of a blended family and dealing with expectations and emotions of ex-spouses, new partners, and kids who may feel caught in the middle. Whether youโre newly married, divorced, or somewhere in between, hereโs how to make your holiday season a joyful one:
Pick your battles, and stay flexible: Keep a clear eye on traditions that are closest to your heart. Speak up for what youโd likeโbut realize you may not get everything you want.
Communicate with an open mind (and schedule): But you always eat Thanksgiving at 3 pm? Iโm afraid your rigid schedule will have to go. Get together with your exes and current partners (either in person or via email, depending on your level of friendliness) and talkโcalmly! Chances are, they also have some specific asks, and if youโre willing to be flexible on certain times and dates, they may be, too.
Donโt make your kids decide. You say: โHey kids, do you want to spend Karamu with Mom or Dad this year?โ Your kids hear: โDo you want to disappoint Mom or Dad?โ While itโs nice to offer your kids some sense of control, donโt put the burden of decision making on them. Instead, why donโt you:
Create new traditions for your household: Reliving old memories is fun, but making new memories is even betterโplus, theyโll be unique to you and your kids.
Take a breath (and a break) when needed: Getting frustrated? Feel like taking your (holiday) ball and going home? Clear your mind, and for the love of god, put down the social media. This is not the time for vaguebooking.
Holiday traditionsโlike families, like lifeโare always evolving. Case in point: After several years of getting into a nice groove with my husband and his ex, my brother and his girlfriend just welcomed a beautiful son into the world, which means weโre figuring out how to incorporate her extended family into our celebrations, too! So keep an eye on the big picture, and donโt get bogged down by arguments about whether you can serve Grandma Roseโs famous brisket, or in what order those stockings should be hung.
As for shopping for all those gifts? Youโre on your own. Happy holidays!