Just because he’s amusing and has a cute dog, let’s not take it easy on Ezra. Let’s make sure he has as awkward a time as Erik. A much worse time than Marjorie. May he have the opposite of my delightful night out with the foot fetishists. To recap the premise of the Discomfort Zone: Based on a Blogtown poll, we send a knock-kneed scribe out to an event that is decidedly outside of their comfort zone, usually to an event they wouldn’t normally cover or an event that gives them the whim-whams based on their personal heebie-jeebie levels. To Ezra’s lineup!
Zombiestock 2011
Dammit, this got canceled. Ezra would’ve been really uncomfortable there.
Portland Poetry Slam
Yelling! Slam poetry! All ages angst! Iambic pentameter! Free verse read from diaries! According to the blurb, “[It’s] Portland’s most punk rawk literary show extravaganza pitting eight poets against each other for $50 and the chance to represent PDX poetry to it’s [sic] finest.” This has great potential for snarky commentary. Backspace, Sunday, July 31, 7:30 pm
George Lopez
Lowest common denominator stand-up is probably the worst stand-up comedy known to humans. In his right mind, Ezra wouldn’t step foot in this place for the comic stylings of George Lopez, where he might be treated to jokes about Lopez’s Mexican grandma and the psyche-up song War’s “Low Rider.” “But Lopez is a pro,” you think. Indeed, but just watch. Ugh. Keller Auditorium, Friday, July 29, 8 pm
Picnic with the Portland Skyliners Tall Club
This is my personal favorite! Ezra’s long been fascinated by the Portland Skyliners Tall Club, a club founded “for the purpose of promoting friendship and good fellowship among tall people.” Ezra “I’m Taller and Better Than You” Caraeff needs some fellowship and feel-good picnicking. Decreed by Blogtown, he should have to join the Skyliners and attend a concert in the park… in Lake Oswego. The trifecta of awkward: tall people club membership, picnic with strangers watching some easy-grooves from the Gretchen Mitchell Band, and the drive to schmancy Lake Oswego. Sounds like total discomfort to me. Portland Skyliners Tall Club concert and picnic in the park, Westlake Park, Lake Oswego, Wednesday, August 3, 6:30 pm
Let’s rock the vote! (Due to a polling issue, you might have to vote again. Poll ends tomorrow at 3 pm.)
meh… that’s the best you could do? snore-fest 2011.
See, none of these are going to produce actual discomfort because it seems they all include alcohol.
These are not uncomfortable enough.
How about Ezra has to perform something at the poetry slam?
How about Ezra has to memorize and perform a George Lopez routine at the poetry slam?
Agreed, there is not nearly enough potential for suffering. I would love to read about Ezra (or anyone) having to perform poetry, but not about having to endure it.
These all kinda suck. If he had to perform poetry that would be better but still not really cringe inducing.
No, these are great. The Tall Club is particularly great, as it forces ezra into an environment where strangers feel totally encouraged to just strike up conversations with him. Top-tier discomfort zone.
@pffft
What are you talking about? He just has to sit in a room and listen to a bad comedian or some bad poets and suck down vodka. The Tall Club is something anyone who isn’t completely socially retarded could get through without batting an eye. We’re talking about a guy who has to talk to mildly famous to insanely famous people he’s never met on a day to day basis. Do you honestly think he’s completely socially retarded?
The tall club is totally the kind of thing where the next day he writes a “WOW EVERYBODY WAS REALLY NICE!” post. I am sick of those, and will not tolerate another.
@BlackedOut I volunteer to abstain from booze at all of these events if it helps things (for you guys, not me).
@ezra
I still think you’re getting off light. I mean wow…this looks truly awful doesn’t it?
http://youtu.be/dz3wb-iKYM8
I think we have agreement – we need another option. Something like “None of the above. Postpone the discomfort.”
@BlackedOut OH MY GOD, SO MUCH PIZZA!
Jesus, people. These suck. You’ve forced me to do some research cuz like Joneser, I’m tired of the pleasant recaps.
From this website:http://www.leiahart.com/schedule
———-
TRANSFIGURATION CEREMONY
fourth Sunday of the month
This is an open circle
Please contact for location/directions
There will be a brief teaching before we begin for first timers. During the practice of transfiguration, you allow your body and thoughts to dissolve until you are just spiritual light. From this place of radiance, healing with spiritual light for self and others is amplified as the group transfigures as one.
Please bring a small 4 oz jar of water or a small sealed bag of soil to put on the altar. The water and soil will be transfigured. I will explain more as we prepare for the ceremony.
May this season continue to fill you with delight as the sap rises, blossoms open, and seeds are planted during this time of transformation.
———-
This might be in Eugene. That’s definitely not too far to go, right?
Also this: http://www.witchvox.com/vn/vn_detail/dt_ev…
“Four days and three nights of camping, concerts, workshops, group rituals, magickal ceremonies, drum circles, guitar jams, kid’s activities, friends, food, and fun.”
Make him stay overnight!
We should boycott voting on this one because the options are all so lame.
Really. TRY HARDER YOU GUYS.
Option #4: Ezra does a public reading of all the posts on MOD
The Skyline Club, with the caveat that he wear a top hat and platform shoes to the meeting.
Breaking News:The tall people hate Ezra. He received hatemail from them back in 2008 after his blog post!
Bully slam poetry kids? Might as well shoot fish in a barrel ensconced on the backporch of Harriet Tubman where frizzy-haired freed men once sang somber songs now malevolently muted by our corporate Boba Fet overlord MEDIA WHORE MASTERS.
Can’t we just lock him in the restroom at Mercury HQ for the weekend? He’ll get some rest, have plenty of access to water, no access to booze…consider it free rehab.
No wait! Ezra should do 10 minutes of stand-up. This will allow us to get drunk and heckle him.