Someone came forward and gave Portland cops a good reason why a bloody cow’s heart wound up on the doorstep of some poor homeowners over on NW Flanders the day after Valentine’s Day. It was, ah, what you call a massively embarrassing misunderstanding.
The cops announced last night:
A woman contacted Portland Police to report that the cow heart was a joke gift meant for her but delivered to the wrong address. The intended recipient lives around the corner from where the cow heart was mistakenly delivered.
And that, as they say, is that.
There will be no further investigation by Portland Police.
So who’s the fucking stupid-ass who doesn’t even know the correct address of his valentines, and can we get his name/photo up here please?
Seriously, a card or box of chocolates is one thing.
But if you’re going to leave a bloody cow heart on the doorstep of someone you’re wanting to nail – you’ve better make DAMN SURE it’s the RIGHT address!
This is a cover up. Witnesses spoke of seeing the luminous ghost of Don Van Vliet leaving the scene, hands and chest dripping crimson, humming the tune to “Sheriff of Hong Kong”.
source: lies
A bee fart would’ve been just as sweet.
Cow eyeballs would’ve been easier to transport, and would’ve expressed the very romantic message, “I only have eyes for you.”
The cops “solved” the mystery? Because someone contacted them and told them exactly what happened? Well done, promotions all around!
I agree with @geyser, sitting at your desk eating a donut until someone calls you and tells you exactly what happened isn’t “solving” a mystery. I am sure the person who received the heart is relieved but lets not dislocate a shoulder patting the cops on the back on this one.
Everything YOU said, Econoline! Blog tag-line is very mis-leading.
The video is amazing: http://www.kboi2.com/news/local/Cow-heart-Oregon-prankster-apologizes-to-unintended-victim-139590373.html