Hello, and welcome back to The Walking Dead Chitty Chat Club! Did you happen to catch last night's mid-season premiere of The Walking Dead? Oh boy, it was a crazy-ass barn burner! Let's chat about it (and the show's newest character, Convenient Rocket Launcher) after the jump! SPOILERS AHOY!

RECAP AFTER THE JUMP!

Here's what I'm thinking about last night's mid-season premiere, "No Way Out."

1) We open the episode with a sarcastic motorcycle gang holding Daryl, Sasha, and G.I. Ginger at gunpoint. Apparently they represent the long-awaited (for comic book fans) appearance of Negan, and are gonna commandeer all their junk. Mr. Super Sarcastic orders one of his henchmen to escort Daryl to the back of their vehicle to look for weapons, and is just about to murder Sasha and G.I. Ginger for the audacity of asking, "Who's Negan?" (Seriously people, DO YOU NOT READ COMICS??) Luckily Daryl dispatches the henchman, finds The Walking Dead's newest fave character, CONVENIENT ROCKET LAUNCHER, and blows the Sarcastic Sons of Anarchy back to the stone age. CAN I GET A FUCK YEAH!

2) Meanwhile back in Alexandria, Rick and his gang are covered in zombie guts and working their way through the crowd of walkers. The plan is to go to the quarry, get some transportation, and circle back around to pick up the rest of the gang—however, nobody wants to bring Baby Judith, because... UGH! Babies, am I right? So Rev. McChickenshit volunteers to take Judith to the church (this makes no sense, but whatever). However, Crybaby Sam (that's Jessie's Girl's whining kid, remember?) demands to accompany them to the quarry, which quickly becomes everyone's undoing because SURPRISE! He freaks the fuck out, gets zombie bitten, which makes Jessie's Girl scream, causing HER to get zombie bitten, which causes her other son, Dickhole Ron (who's still pissed at Rick for killing his dad, and Carl's Jr. for stealing his girl), to pull a gun on Rick, which causes Michonne to run a sword through Dickhole Ron's back, which causes Dickhole Ron to shoot the gun, and poke out Carl's Jr.'s eyeball. PHEW! DEAR GOD. Anyway... how was your day?

3) IN OTHER ALEXANDRIA NEWS: Wolfie and Denise the Reluctant Surgeon are trying to make a break for it, but I get the feeling he's become smitten with her—because when she's set upon by zombies, he returns to rescue her, and is bit for his trouble. VALENTINE'S DAY, GUYS! (I wish he'd been played by Hugh Grant.) MEANWHILE... Carol and Morgan are still beefing after their fight which allowed Wolfie to get away. (Why can't they just get along?? They're tearing me apart!!) Carol says she should've killed Morgan, and he reminds her that she didn't have the heart. PREDICTION: These guys are gonna be slippin' between the sheets within two episodes. VALENTINE'S DAY, GUYS! Also, Carol sees Wolfie and guns him down. Well, I guess she won that argument.

4) Glenn and Enid go to the church to look for guns—don't ask—and blah, blah, blah formulate a plan to rescue Maggie who's stuck up on some rickety scaffolding. The game plan? Glenn will get himself killed, while Enid climbs up the scaffolding and uses some very thin scarves to help Maggie climb down. GOOD PLAN, GUYS. (Eye roll.) Meanwhile, Fat Elvis is trying to convince Sgt. McSexy that he's no longer the coward of the county. He fails.

5) Rick gets Carl's Jr to the infirmary where Denise is waiting to pull the bullet out of his eyeball with some clean towels and hot water. OH DEAR. Rick loses his shit, and runs outside to wage a one-man (and one-ax) war on the zombie horde. This is inspiring for some reason, and the rest of Alexandria (including Fat Elvis) slowly joins him to kick some decomposing zombie ass. NOTE: I'm sorry to report that I've so far been unable to find a GIF of that hilarious "everybody slashing at the camera" sequence. Holler at me if you find one, and I'll update!

UPDATE! Chitty-Chat Club members Christopher Davis and William Hogan sent in the link for the heee-larious slashing GIF! CHECK IT OUT HAW HAW HAW!!

6) Let's check in on Glenn and Enid's shitty plan, shall we? YEP, STILL SHITTY. While Glenn gets himself cornered by zombies, Enid climbs up to a ledge to rescue Maggie—A LEDGE THAT MAGGIE COULD'VE EASILY CLIMBED ON HERSELF. (I know, I know, logic does not apply to the WD universe.) It looks like Glenn is once again a goner, when SURPRISE! Sasha and G.I. Ginger show up to mow those excess zombies down, like in that final scene from Inglourious Basterds. Zombies > Nazis.

7) But wait! There's still more icing to put on this Walking Dead bundt cake! Daryl comes charging in with the gas truck, dumping it's contents in the neighborhood lake. (Ring! Ring! Oh, hello DEQ.) Then he once again pulls out The Walking Dead's newest #1 fave character in the world, CONVENIENT ROCKET LAUNCHER, to kabooooom! Blow the lake up. (Who's up for a fish fry?) For some inexplicable reason, this lures the zombies directly into the flaming lake, because... well, like I said, it's inexplicable. STOP THINKING SO MUCH, YOU DUMB BRAIN!

8) GOOOOOOOOD MORNING, ALEXANDRIA! It's a beautiful day here in the township... errrr, that is if you don't count the streets lined with decapitated zombies. Rick is having a soulful moment with unconscious One-Eyed Carl—who's going to be super cool when he wakes up—and delivers a lecture on the importance of everyone working together to make a brighter day for you and me. One-Eyed Carl slowly squeezes his hand, as if to say, "Dad... can you please shut the fuck up?"

9) AND THAT IS THAT FOR THIS WEEK. What did you think of that episode? I thought it was swell—well, except when my brain's logic center kept kicking in. A least there was enough action to keep my interest for at least three more episodes, which I'm sure is exactly what the producers were thinking. All I have to say is this: NOBODY BETTER KILL OFF CONVENIENT ROCKET LAUNCHER. Sigh. I think I'm in love! VALENTINE'S DAY, GUYS!