Kalah Allen
Burlesque Blows

I am so disgusted with these burlesque performances that are all the rage. Is it me or are the girls who perform in these troupes just not good looking? Most of them look like rejects from amateur night at a local strip bar in Ohio. The "dancers" fall off their chairs while people try to convince themselves the shows are sexy. Fuck that--they're painful! And where did the nudity go? I know burlesque is all about striptease and you can't get naked right away, but in original burlesque shows, the girls would eventually get naked. Now it's like watching size-16, lingerie clad girls doing the Macarena. The obvious solution is to not go to these shows, but they're everywhere! I can't even escape them. I'll go to an art show and I see on the program, "Live entertainment provided by Blankety Blank Burlesque," and if I go to a concert, there's more vintage lingerie-wearing chicks tripping over couches and unsuccessfully trying to do the splits. Man, and I thought fire dancing shows were the worst!--Anonymous