Portland Mercury

The Merc's Online Charity Gift Auction

The 2009 Mercury Online Charity Auction is Over!

Thanks so much to everyone who donated to the auction and to everyone who placed a bid. You helped make the 2009 Mercury Online Charity Auction an overwhelming success.

This year's charity of choice is OUTSIDE IN (www.outsidein.org) which assists homeless youth and disadvantaged adults in too many ways to mention here!

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'Hot Auction'

Karaoke Party Night! (Music)

Donated by Voicebox / Cadenza Academy

KARAOKE PARTY NIGHT! You are a shining diamond in a coal mine of potential. You are a magical beacon of musicality that lights the way for the lost and the tone deaf. YOU ARE TALENT! Why waste your abilities on the unwashed masses when you and 14 of your friends can have a private party room at karaoke club Voicebox (2112 NW Hoyt)? And if you need to polish the golden throat before bringing down the house, Cadenza Academy (2727 SE 21st) is throwing one voice lesson into the deal! DON’T LET GO! YOU’VE GOT THE MUSIC IN YOU!

Item Details

50 minute voice lesson at Cadenza Academy.
Voicebox karaoke party requires advance reservation. Sunday - Thursday. Excludes food & beverage

Closed at $127.50

Most Coveted

Design the Mercury Cover! What if you could capture the attention of the entire city of Portland? Well, you can, when you take over the cover of the Mercury for one glorious week in our January 28 issue. Advertise your business, show off your artistic skills, or just make a grand gesture that every pair of eyes in town will see. (We’re flexible, but obviously certain restrictions apply.) APPROXIMATE VALUE: PRICELESS
Closed at $4500.00
Movie Theater Owner for a Day: Clinton Street Theater Guess what, champ? Your TV sucks, and whenever you invite people over to watch stuff on it, they’re secretly snickering at you behind your back. Earn some much-needed respect by winning this auction, which will let you take over the Clinton Street Theater (2522 SE Clinton), where you can at long last show all of your friends your favorite movie on the big screen. Yes! Your favorite movie! Huge! With all of your friends! In one of Portland’s most historic and beloved theaters! That’ll shut your stupid buddies up right quick.
Closed at $360.00
Blazer Mania You’re better than the average fan, and now you can flaunt it with four tickets to a Blazers game. But not just ordinary tickets—how about four tickets to the posh Club Level, where you’ll be treated like royalty! Chow down to your heart’s content on delicious grub as you recline in style, isolated from the peons that litter the rest of the Rose Garden. Oh, and there’s a basketball game to watch, too, if you’re interested. (Certain restrictions for game date may apply.)
Closed at $515.13
Movie Theater Owner for a Day: Roseway Theater One of Portland’s finest movie theaters, the Roseway Theater’s (7229 NE Sandy) gorgeous, crystal-clear HD digital projection system and gut-rattling speakers are exhilarating reminders of how great going to the movies can be. And now the theater can be yours for three whole hours! Invite your friends for a PRIVATE screening of whatever the Roseway’s currently playing, or play your favorite movie on DVD or Blu-ray, or haul in your Xbox 360 or PlayStation 3, hook it up to the big screen, and play videogames like you never have before! The choice—and the Roseway—is yours!
Closed at $325.00
Movies for a Year: Laurelhurst Theater Portland’s fave second-run film house not only shows recent and classic flicks every week, they serve BEER (yum) and PIZZA (yum). Now you can have an entire year of cinematic fun and yum with 52 passes for you and a date at the Laurelhurst Theater (2735 E Burnside)!
Closed at $327.00
I Love Music! Sure, you might like music, but do you LOVE it? Then you’ll want to bolster your record collection with a massive stack of brand-new vinyl (over 30 different titles, courtesy of fine labels like Sub Pop, Kill Rock Stars, Badman Recording Co., K Records, Polyvinyl—visit the auction site for the complete list). That’s great for your ears, but what about your stomach? How about a $50 gift certificate to Fire on the Mountain (4225 N Interstate; 1708 E Burnside), plus we’ll add a pair of two ticket vouchers to any show at the Hawthorne Theatre (1507 SE 39th). APPROXIMATE VALUE: $500
Closed at $305.00
Your Face on Every Stinking Page of the Mercury! We normally fill our pages with photos of drugged-out rock stars, shamed politicians, strippers, escorts, and bisexual DIY hipsters. But you know what would be better than that? Your face on every stinking page of our January 28 issue. Because you’re worth it.
Closed at $290.00
Glowing Review in the Mercury! You are a genius. You know it. Your mom knows it. But does anyone else know it? No! Especially not those hacks at the Mercury who gleefully savage every bit of finely crafted art that comes their way. Well, except for yours, that is… ’cause now you can buy one of ’em off! Win this auction, score a glowing review in the Mercury (to be printed in the January 28 issue), and rest assured that whatever you’ve created—your novel, your album, your macramé portrait of Xena the Warrior Princess—will receive an exuberant, adulatory, hyperbolic, blowjob-rific review in Portland’s finest newsweekly! Finally, someone besides Mom will appreciate you! APPROXIMATE VALUE: PRICELESS
Closed at $365.00
HUMP! with Dan Savage Dinner and porn with sexpert Dan Savage! Start the night with an intimate advice-filled dinner with Dan at Le Happy (1011 NW 16th), for yourself and a friend. Dessert includes two tickets to HUMP!, Portland’s second annual, wildly popular, and sure-to-sell-out amateur porn fest hosted by Dan Savage, who’ll also sign a HUMP! poster to commemorate the titillating experience.
Closed at $501.00
Movies for a Year: Hollywood Theatre The revered Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy) is a Portland treasure that also just happens to be the city’s go-to theater for indie, grindhouse, and artsy cinematic fare. So if you love this place you’ll flip for a Director-Level Membership at the Hollywood, which features free admission for one to all regular film screenings for a year, plus 20 guest passes to regular film screenings, as well as T-shirts, tours, Oscar night admission, and more!
Closed at $285.00

Best Deals

Get Dressed Now! Feeling drab and in need of some personal flair? This package will perk you right up with a slew of stylish recycled goodies (zip pouch, passport case, vegan belt) from Saysay Boutique (1010 SW Morrison). In addition, you’ll receive a body piercing, complete with jewelry, at Metro (3525 SE Hawthorne) plus two pairs of hoodies, tank tops, and koozies from the Florida Room (435 N Killingsworth). Goodbye, winter blues. Hello, Miami Beach!
Closed at $52.00
America: You're Awesome! America really sucked there for about eight years, huh? But hey, it’s (mostly) better now! Show off your rediscovered patriotism with three presidential T-shirts that celebrate some of our finest leaders from Sharp as Toast. Plus an American flag-emblazoned “vase” from Still Smokin’ (12302 SE Powell) that’s perfect for the storage of fine herbs and the like! And just in case our nation takes a turn for the worse, a classy poster by artist Ryan Jacob Smith showing a silhouette of the US of A superimposed with the prophetic words “We’re totally fucked.” USA! USA! USA!
Closed at $55.00
Hello Ms. Hottie! Really perfect jewelry is hard to come by, but this necklace and earrings from AK Vintage are simply without flaw, as delicate and gluttonous as a French dinner party. As soon as the flat gold chain with leather accent graces your neck, you will have the irresistible urge to eat truffles while skipping in the rain. Luckily, the included fancy millinery won’t compromise your je ne sais quoi. The black, wool hat with jaunty feather, donated by chic boutique Frock (1439 NE Alberta) could even add sophisticated style to a zebra-print Snuggie—it’ll be the perfect chapeau to upstage your best friend at her own wedding.
Closed at $58.00
Emily Katz Decorates Your Tree and Andy Lifschutz Decorates You! Emily Katz is a true renaissance woman. She designs clothing, she heads up the band Love Menu, she's one half of the team behind the boutique Second Nature (811 E Burnside, Ste 119), and she is a visual artist and food blogger! Let Emily put her multi-talented hands to work on your Christmas tree this year to create a visual masterpiece under which to put all your holiday loot. Just make sure the tree is by a window—you’re going to want the whole neighborhood to see it! Meanwhile you shouldn’t go without your own personal ornamentation, which is why you’ll also get an originally crafted set of earrings and a necklace from up-and-coming Portland jeweler Andy Lifschutz!
Closed at $61.54
Hello Mr. Hottie! You should probably sew your pockets shut now, ’cause when you win this baby-soft, hooded cotton jacket from Bridge & Burn, and graphic T-shirts from No Star Clothing and Oh, Snap!, attractive people WILL stop you on the street and insert their phone numbers into your pockets.
Closed at $68.00
Kitty! Puppy! So, you’ve made the decision to welcome a new family member into your home. Congratulations! Now to ensure you’re the best puppy parent you can be, prepare your home for the onslaught of tiny puppy teeth with a puppy gift basket and two $50 gift certificates for services from For Pets’s Sake. And so your prima donna of a cat doesn’t feel left out, a gift basket of cat-themed goodies completes the package.
Closed at $76.01
Year of the Bull (Red Bull, That Is) Red Bull, YEAH! Red Bull, YEAH! Hey you! You look listless and UN-energetic! That’s why you need some Red Bull, YEAH! In fact, we’d say you’re in dire need of a year’s worth of Red Bull, YEAH! Drink a couple of Red Bulls (YEAH!) and start bidding on 24 cases of Red Bull (half regular, half sugar free, YEAH!), and be up, Up, UP for the entirety of 2010! RED BULL! Yeah! Yeah! YEAH!!
Closed at $81.00
Toys for the Adult in You You know what’s tasty? A CHOCOLATE vagina! Clone your or your loved one’s genitals with one of three Clone-a-Willy kits or three Clone-a-Pussy kits, courtesy of Portland’s own Empire Labs . Complete with vibrating parts and all the materials you’ll need to make a working, vibrating replica of YOUR INCREDIBLY HUGE PENIS—what a great holiday gift for your coworkers! (Cost of possible legal assistance not included). We’ll also throw in some various sex toys courtesy of Empire Labs, including a realistic-to-the-touch dildo and an entire carton of “drink this, it makes your erections longer and your orgasms more intense” energy drink. APPROXIMATE VALUE: $250
Closed at $86.00
So, You Want to Be an Author? We can’t get you a book deal, but we can provide you with enough inspiration and encouragement to start you in the right direction. This package, perfect for the aspiring author, includes a two-year membership to the fantastic Independent Publishing Resource Center lunch with author G. Xavier Robillard, where you can pick his brains about the publishing process (plus take home an autographed copy of his book, Captain Freedom!); a pair of tickets to each of the three remaining lectures in the Portland Arts and Lectures series —speakers Christopher Hitchens, Ruth Reichl, and Edwidge Danticat; and a laptop bag from Office PDX , for toting around your electronic manuscript. Now all you’ve got to do is write your masterpiece. Get on it.
Closed at $95.50
Private Dance Party You’re one of those people who starts a dance party everywhere you go. Waiting for the bus, in line at New Seasons, at the dentist’s office. Well, here’s your chance for you and 40 of your closest, danciest friends to have your own private dance party—in the second floor lounge of the Fez (316 SW 11th) while Friday’s weekly Shut Up and Dance party with DJ Gregarious rages upstairs in the ballroom! And that’s not all (see print for additional details). You’ll also get a pass to Shut Up and Dance for you and a date every Friday for a year, including their 2009 New Year’s Eve party! APPROXIMATE VALUE: BOOTYLICIOUS
Closed at $102.50