JUPITER ASCENDING "Mila, when I'm wearing my rocket boots, I prefer to be called 'Channing Skatum.'"

THE PHRASE "Cinderella, but in space, and featuring Channing Tatum as a part-human, part-wolf with rocket boots" either appeals to you or it doesn't. So yeah: Jupiter Ascending will either appeal to you or it won't.

The latest from the Wachowskis is full-throttle space opera: Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis, the only person likeable enough to get away with the line "Call me Jupe"), a Chicago cleaning lady, is (surprise!) attacked by aliens, because (surprise again!) it turns out she's Queen of Planet Earth, with all the responsibilities and death threats that job entails. (She also gets a frequently shirtless bodyguard, played by a frequently shirtless but disappointingly humorless Chatum.) There are also talking dinosaurs, magical bees, and entire planets falling to ruin; manipulating all this chaos is an evil one percenter (Eddie Redmayne, in what might be the worst performance ever given by a human actor).

If this kind of stuff isn't your deal—and man, it will not be a lot of peoples' deal—fair enough. But hopefully even those incapable of enjoying Jupiter Ascending will appreciate its existence. Like the Wachowskis' Speed Racer and Cloud Atlas, Jupiter Ascending boasts an earnestness that's all but unheard of in movies of this scale. Multiplexes are currently dominated by perpetual franchises and bland reboots, each desperate to appeal the largest possible audience—but with every weird, cheesy frame of Jupiter Ascending, one senses the Wachowskis don't give a shit if anyone else likes their movie.

That's not to say Jupiter Ascending only works if you grade on a curve: The Wachowskis get in a few jabs at the relentless hunger of capitalism, and the entire story hinges on the fact that class mobility is now so rare that only something like INTERSTELLAR WAR can enable it. But mostly this is a movie about spaceships that look like tropical fish, and aliens that look like elephant-people, and ray guns, and Terry Gilliam cameos, and Chatum growling like a wolf whenever he gets angry. God bless you, Wachowskis. Keep making things you love. I hope you spend every goddamn penny Warner Bros. has.