THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU Above: People whose TV shows are great and whose movies are awful.

ABOUT TWO-THIRDS into This Is Where I Leave You, siblings Judd and and Wendy Altman (Jason Bateman and Tina Fey) have the most telling of their 9,000 heart-to-heart talks: "Nobody is happy," says Judd. I wonder if that wasn't the original title of this film. Because Jesus Christ, these people are all miserable. And watching them might make you miserable, too.

The movie takes place in the days following the death of Judd and Wendy's father, which brings them, along with brothers Paul and Phillip (Corey Stoll and Adam Driver) under one roof to sit shiva, monitored by their perpetually embarrassing mother (masterfully played by Jane Fonda's tits). Then the Altman family bickers with each other, their spouses, some neighbors, their children, and a rabbi for the better part of 100 minutes.

Judd is the lens through which we watch these wealthy white people cry: He finds out at the beginning of the film that his wife has been cheating on him, then grimaces, on the verge of tears, for the rest of the movie. "I don't do complicated," he repeats to his disastrous family. (People who claim to hate drama yet always attract it are the worst.)

Bateman's horrible protagonist aside, misused appearances by Connie Britton, Ben Schwartz, Kathryn Hahn, and Timothy Olyphant round out This Is Where I Leave You. It is, as one brilliant twitterer pointed out, a film dreamcast by Tumblr; it's also a Garden State for 40-year-olds. Manic pixie love interest Penny (Rose Byrne) even fucking ice skates! This Is Where I Leave You is neither funny enough to be a comedy nor honest enough to be a drama. It's the 15th season of Arrested Development, when everybody is on Quaaludes and nobody is funny anymore.