SUMMARIZING MIAMI CONNECTION is a goddamn fool's game, but here goes: The members of synth-rock band Dragon Sound are orphans, roommates, and black belts in tae kwon do. They only have two songs, but man, they're some songs: "Friends," about how friendship is for eternity, and "Against the Ninja," about how ninjas suck. Dragon Sound isn't making that up: Their beloved Miami is under siege from motorcycle-riding, cocaine-dealing ninjas! So when they aren't rockin' Florida's hottest nightclubs, cruising for tail, or feeling sad about being orphans, the members of Dragon Sound use their fists and feet to keep ninjas in their place.
Nearly as great as Miami Connection's batshit premise is the story behind it: Made in 1987 by Korean immigrant and "modern philosopher, motivational speaker, and world-renowned evangelist of the martial arts" Grandmaster Y.K. Kim (who also stars, alongside a bunch of his friends), the low-budget, much-derided Miami Connection languished until 2009—when a curator from Austin's Alamo Drafthouse Cinema blindly bought it on eBay for $50. The first audience to see it was warned that no one knew what the hell Miami Connection was—but as soon as the film began, that changed. Within moments, everyone realized exactly what Miami Connection was: genius.
From its weirdly catchy musical numbers to its bloody, pulpy violence, from the bitter threats of rival bands ("You fired me why? 'Cause of the goddamn Dragon Sound? That's bullshit! They came in here and played goddamn songs for kids!") to the thickly accented smack talk of Grandmaster Kim ("You don't scare me at all! At all! Goodbye!"), Miami Connection is a jaw-dropping, hilarious jumble of kung fu, rock 'n' roll, cocaine, dismemberments, romance, bromance, and boobs. In other words, everything that all of us have ever wanted from cinema. Welcome back, Dragon Sound. Don't ever leave us again.