Gayer Than a Bundle of Sticks 

An Abridged Guide to PrideNW's Entertainment Extravaganza

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Pride Northwest's theme this year is "Make it Happen!," which sounds like a good idea to me: drink a lot, suck face a lot, smile a lot. Collect as many rainbow-drizzled reentry bracelets as possible. Hoot and holler at the entertainment—no matter how dreadful. Oh, and act like RuPaul's watching you at all times. And, let's be frank, she will be.

All events are at the Main Stage, Tom McCall Waterfront Park, unless otherwise noted. A complete guide to Pride events can be found at pridenw.org.

SATURDAY, JUNE 18

12:35 pm—Mattachine Social

All my art fag friends loooooove these electro-tutors. They're like Schoolhouse Rock: The Gay History Edition. You'll be singing catchy tunes about Kenneth Anger in the shower for weeks!

2:05 pm—Portland Lesbian Choir

As my colleague says, "Tongues are for singing, too!"

4:35 pm—Swagger: A Queer Dance Movement

Homos, hiphop, pom poms—maybe even some castanets.

5:35 pm—Kiss Kill

These badass punk bitches make you want to buy their records. Warning: They don't take Discover.

6 pm—Dyke March

As always, it's the best early Father's Day gift... areolae and ankh tattoos as far as the eye can see!

Gather in North Park Blocks after 5 pm

6:30 pm—Camille Bloom

She has been likened to "Ani DiFranco dipped in maple syrup," whatever the fuck that means. Personally, I hear more Wynonna than Ani in her songs—a much bigger compliment.

8:10 pm—Lea DeLaria & Band

DeLaria is a legendary comedian, jazz singer, and—most importantly—a guest star on two episodes of Matlock in the '90s. (And, oh, she prefers it if you call her "that fucking dyke.")

9 pm—Mustache Party

As-yet-specified incentives should entice you to stop in, at least, if you're proud of your whiskers. There's also a "Greatest Mustache Ever" contest, but the real draw is "free facial hair" for those who left theirs at home.

Red Cap Garage, 1025 SW Stark, free, 21+

SUNDAY, JUNE 19

11:15 am—Portland Drag Race

It's a one-mile run/walk/Hoveround in your finest ball gown or that special gingham teddy! You don't have to know the difference between wedges and espadrilles to participate (but it couldn't hurt). Don't forget that pearl necklace!

NW 13th & Burnside, 10 am registration, $10-15 to enter

1:00 pm—Kristine W

She's got more dance club number ones than Mariah, Beyoncé, and Whitney. But how will the Divine Miss W sound outdoors?

1:40 pm—Burlesquire

Just because they're "boyesque" doesn't mean there'll be any less pink.

2 pm—2011 Pride Pet Showcase

This year there's a prize for "Gayest Dog"?! My ex-boyfriend's a shoo-in!

Community Stage, Tom McCall Waterfront Park

2:35 pm—Delaney & Paris

Pentecostals, beware! With song titles like "I Wanna Have a Penis," "Queef," and "Herpes," these dirty birdies are so full-frontal, you'll feel like you're in a titty zoo.

3:05 pm—Levi Kreis & Portland Gay Men's Chorus

See Top 10 Picks, pg. XX.

4:50 pm—Deborah Cox

Is 30 minutes of Toronto's "Sweet Soul Sentry" really enough?

Whenever—Stark Street Block Party

Every year I ask why there are two separate Pride parties within 100 yards of each other—each charging separate admissions. But I guess I never ask the right person. Anyhow, Scandals and Red Cap Garage house block parties crammed with live entertainment and, most likely, a snow cone stand.

Scandals, 1125 SW Stark, 2 pm-close, $10, 21+; Red Cap Garage, 1025 SW Stark, 1 pm–close, cover charge undisclosed (which is never a good omen), 21+

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