Illustration by Kalah Allen

Dear Ankeny Street residents: We want to apologize for turning your quiet bike corridor into a relentless assault of giant trucks, contractors, air compressors, and power tools. You see we are perpetually—with no apparent end in sight—working on in-fill condos that you could never afford and providing no on-site parking for your new affluent neighbors to park their BMWs. It hardly seems fair that you must endure living in this eternal construction zone that will not benefit you whatsoever. Dollar signs kept our eyeballs from seeing that there are actually people who already live here. You probably miss using your sidewalks and streets without threading the needle between cement mixers and semi-trucks. What can we do to apologize? Buy the entire neighborhood a cup of coffee? Pay part of your rent? What is the right thing to do for making your livable community so unlivable? Ever so sincerely, Portland developers.—Anonymous