I'm Staying Home 

The Lennon/Garant Walk of Shame

Of the two cursed camps that emerged from the ashes of MTV's mid-'90s sketch experiment The State, it seems that the Jews are the clear winners on the comedy front. The Stella contingent continue to beat the laugh pants off the trio of Thomas Lennon, Kerri Kenney, and Ben Garant—whose diminishing returns have recently culminated in the one-note success of their television show turned so-so feature, Reno: 911!: Miami. But one need only take a quick stroll down IMDB lane to bare witness to the comedic horrors that the writing team of Lennon and Garant have unleashed upon the unwitting American public. We're not even going to mention their Night at the Museum—just check out these skeletons:

• Taxi (2004)—You forgot about this one, didn't you? Lennon and Garant haven't—the in-flight residuals alone are still covering their car payments. The film that was supposed to make Jimmy Fallon a celebrity, Taxi is a remake of the Luc Besson-authored film of the same name, REEEE-MIXED! to feature white America's second favorite black woman, Queen Latifah. Some Lennon/Garant gems: "I sound like Barry White's illegitimate, white grandson!" and the classic "We've gotta play to your strengths... and thinkin' ain't one of them!"

Herbie Fully Loaded (2005)—In spite of an intensive antibiotic regiment resultant from all of his intimate contact with Lindsay Lohan, the Love Bug still tries to force himself onto an unsuspecting newer model. And what's this? A Lennon/Garant cameo?!? You know what that means, don't you? MATCHING HOVERCRAFTS!

• The Pacifier (2005)—Okay, to be honest, I've only seen the trailer for this Disney-produced Vin Diesel family vehicle, but if its back-to-back use of "Funky Cold Medina" and "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" are any indication, these guys should be doubly ashamed of themselves. Best trailer scenes include: Vin changes diaper to appropriately comedic effect, duck bites Vin's ear, Vin drives a minivan. I hope that gold-plated toilet looks good next to your Ferrari, boys.

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Comments are closed.

From the Archives

More by Zac Pennington

Most Commented On

Top Viewed Stories

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy