OUT OF THE LOOP
RE: "Car2Go Yanking Service from East Portland and St. Johns" [Blogtown, July 31], regarding a change in the service area in Portland.
DEAR MERCURY—Neo-liberal capitalist corporations have no interest in providing the working-class poor a safe, affordable way home from work late at night, and judging by the number of 24-hour bus lines in PDX, neither does city hall.
RE: Pizza, change, and the problems that ensue when you only go to one neighborhood in Portland to get pizza.
TO THE EDITOR AND THE CITY OF PORTLAND—There used to be a place that was without a doubt the actual best pizza in Portland. It was not in North, Southeast, or some weird part of Beaverton, it was at W Burnside and 20th. You started at the bottom somewhere like Everyday Music—heck, maybe American Apparel—and you made it up that hill, the sun glaring at you as you walked. And you were starving. You needed somewhere to replenish and you refused to eat at the Roxy again. You needed... an Oasis. A Pizza Oasis. Pizza Oasis was not only the best pizza—the employees were exactly the kind of people who should exist. Granted, it really only suited people 16-23 who were on the hipster spectrum, myself included. The employees never took shit from anyone and it was nice to feel a mutual loyalty. They played ridiculous loud rock and served five-star pizza and PBR. I remember when I got my first real job and I tipped them $5 just because. At some point, the good times had to end. Some time later I moved away for a few months. I came back to find Straight from New York Pizza, which I knew would be terrible. So I write this as a hopeful request to anyone who worked for Pizza Oasis. The pizza that is there now just does not make it worth the trip up the hill.
BBQ MIND ENEMA
RE: "BBQ Season" [Everything as Fuck, July 29], comedian Ian Karmel's summer grill-ready tutorial on meat.
DEAR IAN—I feel like my mind has had a much-welcomed enema. Grade A—no, make that USDA Prime—funny. I'm cutting it out and putting it on the refrigerator next to something by George Carlin.
THE WORST > THE BEST
RE: "Portland's Worst Person" [Feature, July 29], in which readers submitted essays explaining why they are the worst person in the city. The grand prize-winning essay involved firing a woman because she was pregnant.
Have you seriously rewarded people for being complete dicks in your worst person essay contest? Congratulations, you have become New Portland. I have no use for any of you.
Solving a problem like Maria's may not be as difficult as it seems. My fiancé and I are both PDX attorneys, and when we read RetailHell666's "award-winning worst person" essay, the first thing we thought was: RetailHell666 isn't the worst person in Portland—his/her employer is (thanks, Citizens United)! If Maria ever learns what actually transpired and decides to seek legal representation, RetailHell666 could alleviate a fair bit of his/her guilt by testifying in Maria's favor in an employment discrimination case (RetailHell666 might also have a claim against his/her employer, depending on the timeline of events). There's no better way to reward Portland's worst (corporate) person than by serving then with a well-deserved employment discrimination lawsuit!
Jackie and CJ
RE: "Tom Cruise Running" [Film, July 29], a different sort of film review for Mission: Impossible—Rogue Nation.
DEAR MERCURY—Thank you for the fun article. I have always been a fan of Tom Cruise and I have always enjoyed seeing him run. His focus and determination always bring a smile to my face.
I GUESS WE'LL be seeing you at the movies then, Frances! You win this week's Mercury letter of the week, with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where you usually see someone running on the screen, even if it isn't always Tom.